zombie ecards

About this category

Useful in the (perhaps inevitable) Event of Zombies, these cards could save your life. The proviso is simple: the outbreak won't originate in some lab accident. Only impressionable kids and dotards believe that. No, zombies will be first appear after a bioweapon attack. It's aim? Simply to cull the global population in a neo-Darwinian survival horror game of the fittest. The organization behind the coming zombie wars will be monitoring our communication channels ... but they won't be monitoring ecards, will they? Amateurs, dude. In the meantime, these cards can tutor you on the finer points of surviving through hordes of undead. Remember, the paranoid always have the last laugh. But in our case we'll be laughing down the barrels of a blood-soaked shotgun. Let's All Be Prepared!

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zombie realism zombie ecards

A realist's plan for dealing with a zombie outbreak. step 1) run away screaming with hands over head in sheer panic and terror.
I've always had a very firm grasp on reality. The reason is that when I was twelve I witnessed my sister's abduction by extraterrestrials from our family home on Martha's Vineyard, which drove me to join the FBI where I investigated unsolved cases alongside a pretty, red-haired forensic pathologist. You don't have to believe me: the truth is out there.
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loneliness zombie ecards

A zombie apocalypse can get pretty lonely. But no matter how alone, how bored, how curious, don't even think about it.
Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...
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sanity first zombie ecards

In the event of zombies, remember: sanity first. Try to take some time out of every day to enjoy yourself. (Picture of bloodstained bobcat forklift thing chasing zombie).
I worry about some things. I worry that there's going to be a zombie outbreak and that most of you aren't going to approach it with the spirit of joie de vivre. 'Cause I've seen the movies and everyone runs around screaming and dying while talking earnestly about their relationships. I want you to all know that I'll do my best to help you survive but no-one is allowed to be a buzz-kill, okay?
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make sure they are zombies zombie ecards

Remember, never mistake a horde or shoppers with a sudden outbreak of zombies. the authorities will not understand.
On Wednesdays I typically post an older card, and then get to work setting up Zombie Preparedness Drills. Drive over to the cemetery at 4am with a shovel and now you've got the day's props. Next it's a matter of arranging bodies where people don't expect to see them. Like kindergartens. Sure the parents throw fits but for me civic duty comes first.
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once bitten zombie ecards

If you should ever be bitten by a zombie ... look don't worry about it. I'll sort it out.
I was standing in the library taking photos when this librarian came up and told me to stop. "You can't take photos in the library," he said. Later, when I was looking at the photo I took of him, I decided to draw him as a zombie. It's a sad future when even librarians might be one day be zombies.
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this won't pan out well zombie ecards

A zombie apocalypse is not the best time to stop by your ex's place. Trust me, things just aren't going to pan out between you two.
Whenever the television tells me that a zombie attack is in progress, I stay calm. I lock up the house and fill the bath tub with water, but I stay calm. You ever notice how everyone has a lot of relationship stuff to talk through when they're fighting zombies? This is why zombies are so unnerving.
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implausibility zombie ecards

Fact: my conviction that the world will one day be overrun by mindless zombies is neither implausible nor absurd as the fact that Kim Kardashian has a television show.
Are you worried about zombie attacks? I'm not, I'm worried about other things. I picked up a TV guide recently, just to see what reality shows were popular. But don't worry, I was feeling much better after a few days and I can even go outside again.
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zombies are bitey zombie ecards

This man didn't shoot the zombie until he saw the whites of it's eyes. Don't make this mistake! Remember: when they are up close, zombies are bitey.
There isn't a man alive who hasn't given serious thought to how he'd secure himself and his family In The Event of Zombies. We already know the best escape-routes, choke-points and where to build the barricades. Hunter-gatherer milieu? Yes please - then we can be awesome again! Well anyway, I never said we were sane.
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real men hunt zombies zombie ecards

Real men will hunt down zombies while armed only with a falcon.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day writing strongly worded letters to the editors of major newspapers defending common sense and family values. If the government is keeping files on us all, then I'd prefer that they think that I am a complete lunatic.
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loot tobacconists first zombie ecards

When the zombies attack, many of your closest friends and relatives are going to die in a ferocious storm of mindless violence and blood.
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good for our relationship zombie ecards

Killing zombies is good for our relationship.
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