Wrongcards

concern ecards

Nothing brings forth the thrill of the hunt quite like opening the door to Jehovah's Witnesses.

hunting (cheer up)

For those among us who are religiously tolerant enough to get away with laughing at the religiously intolerant, here is today's wrongcard. For everyone else, well, I look forward to your letters.
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I'm sorry I made you envy my penis.

freudian slipknot (apology)

Here's a vaguely NSFW-ish card that would be wrong for anyone to send to anyone. Unless, perhaps, to Mother. Allegedly I have issues. Can't afford a therapist so I did some self-diagnosis with shoplifted psychology textbooks. The diagnosis? Aside from my phobia of clowns my mental health is awesome.
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I'm sorry I cannot hang out with you. Yesterday I saw a midget.

little excuse (excuses)

I know I may seem pretty well-adjusted but sometimes life throws me a bit. Example? Social engagements. They can be a bit stressful. I deal with them rationally, usually by promising to talk about my cousin who is a werewolf. But if you don't have a cousin who is a werewolf you can just send along this card.
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I want to apologize to you even though you were wrong because I have always been curious to know what a moral high ground feels like. So far I'm enjoying it.

moral high ground (apology)

If you have to apologize to anyone then there is no reason you can't enjoy yourself. Also: you're allowed to snicker. If anyone disagrees, say that a stranger on the internet said so. "It's not a proper argument until you've quoted someone on the internet." - Gandhi.
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I can't hang out with you after all. Everything is fine. I just have to find out what's up with my weed.

everything is fine (excuses)

I find people very demanding. "Do this, do that, be quiet, don't eat my pudding, put down that knife, tie it off with a tourniquet, drive me to a hospital, what do you mean we're stopping to buy ice cream?" Today's card? Send it to anyone and they'll probably just GIVE you their pudding. It's only reasonable, really.
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I am sorry you are depressed and hope it is a rational depression arising from feelings of helplessness and futility about the world's burgeoning ecological problems and not because you have silly hair.

rational depression (cheer up)

Today's card is my way of helping people overcome depression. However, you should all understand that I can't do too good a job on Cheer Up Cards because pharmaceuticals companies will try to sue me for loss of income. So I hope you all have a *mostly* happy Tuesday.
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I'm sorry I became a little bit irritable when I was unable to control you with my mind.

little bit irritable (apology)

Occasionally I don't get my own way. So I lock myself in a bathroom and have a good cry while my friends sit outside and compliment me for a few hours through the door. Actually that is not what happens. Instead I have to pretend to be sorry and issue cards like these to my friends. Adult life is bitterly unfair.
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I miss you. Do you think I WANT to have no choice but to break a plate every day until you come home just to get my point across?

choice (missing you)

Today's card is a Missing You Wrongcard. And I believe that it would probably be endorsed by the American Psychiatric Association but I can't get through to them again this morning - they keep changing their phone number.
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