Anniversaries, right? People have them. Not me, so much, 'cause I believe that honesty is important in relationships. Wait, is that another thing Oprah was wrong about? Jesus Oprah! Anyway. It's beside the point. This card is pretty much NSFW. But I think most wrongcards are pretty much NSFW because, unlike most, I believe in good taste, decency and mental cleanliness. Happy Thursday...
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As you know the jury is still out on science. That’s why I mistrust statistics, unless they’re my own, of course, 'cause I always check my statistics in my head, just to see if they feel plausible. Anyway today I wanted to do something for a Men’s Advocacy Group. I like to do things for men. Raise awareness of how we think. And I can already tell that 113.4% percent of you think I nailed it.
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As an enlightened sort of bloke I often feel a heavy weight of responsibility to help my fellow man understand that Romance topic that women like to yap about. Fellas, try to share half the pizza with her, alright? And remember, romance doesn't cost much when there are free wrongcards to send, or even just fresh flower bouquets laying about unattended near new graves. Here to help.
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Look - I'm not saying I don't have issues but when I showed today's card to the guy who delivers my mail he embraced me, burst into tears and declared himself 'expressed'. I showed it to the guy in Starbucks and he grasped my hand firmly, called me brother and announced my lattes would be free forever or his life would be forfeit. It's not all that bad being a spiritual leader some days.
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On re-hash Wednesday we nostalgically re-visit a card from days of yore. This was published on April 13, 2008, back when Wrongcards was a weekend project that I ran to stress-test the patience of Harvard's Department of Human Resources. BTW I told them that, there being only 20 million Australians, I was therefore a minority. 'You can't fire minorities', I said. Logic is my superpower.
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Like a few dozen other men I have a bit of a romantic streak. Sometimes I buy myself lilies or I light scented candles and take long baths. Or I put on some hip-hop and have a bit of a cry for no reason at all. I'll get annoyed at my lady and not tell her why and just wash up loudly. Or not talk to her because of something she did in one of my dreams. Othertimes - I just make a wrongcard.
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Some of us are expected to send St Valentines Day cards tomorrow and somehow our souls feel a stirring of revolt. And we churlishly chafe at this consumer chore, this routine, recurring ritual of relationship renewal. But what can we do? We send an honest card. (Don't say I don't love you).
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I'm the sort of responsible guy you could take back to your parent's trailer without police needing to get involved but that's only cause my Nanna raised me proper. I remember us sharing a tin of cat food one night and her telling me how 'chicks dig a romantic'. So fellers - take note.
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