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easter ecards

Easter is a chocolate-based holiday that celebrates Jesus bringing chocolate from Egypt to the Israelites who had enslaved the Pharaoh's people inside Jerusalem. Jesus rode in through the north gate on a donkey and his followers waved palm fronds. Later, they would meet secretly in seafood shops, using the sign of the fish as a revolutionary symbol for Freedom, although this symbol was later co-opted by neo-Darwinists. Incidentally - neo-Darwinists don't believe in Easter because they worship monkeys and think the world was created in an explosion (no plausibility there). We celebrate Jesus' discovery of chocolate at Easter. I'm not sure I really believe there was ever a giant rabbit who distributed eggs but I encourage you all to do your own research. This is sub-category of all holiday cards. To see more, click here.
  • ‘Eastre’ is the Old English spelling of the name of a Germanic pagan goddess. The Christians named their most important anniversary after her.In today’s marketing language this is called co-branding.

    co-branding

    easter

  • The lesson I have taken away from Easter is that if you are really, really, really nice to people, you will be betrayed by your friends, murdered and then, 2000 years later, everyone will remember you by eating a randomly chosen chocolate animal.

    easter lesson

    easter

  • I’m not saying that you should teach children that the Easter Bunny is a psychotic pan-dimensional demon clown that harvests the souls of bad children with a bloodied rake. I’m saying that if you don’t you’re wasting an opportunity.

    psycho easter bunny

    easter

  • At Easter it is considered traditional to receive spiritual guidance from celibate men in frocks who like to be lenient about men who sleep with children.

    frocked up

    easter

  • Some Romans killed a nice man and then people began to worship him as a God. Then people said 'He DIED for you!? except it turns out you can't kill a God that easily and three days later he was back on his feet anyway.

    easter guilt trip

    easter

  • Sorry I'm not in the mood for Easter this year. Here is a drawing of a Basilosaurus instead.

    easter mood

    easter

  • This Easter - do not eat any eggs that come out of a rabbit. They are not chocolate.

    easter psa

    easter

  • When we are eating our Easter Eggs this year we should remember to give thanks to Judas for making the holiday possible.

    our unthanked easter benefactor

    easter

  • If I ever survived a crucifixion, the last thing I'd want to think about or see again is a crucifix. But I'm sure Jesus doesn't think the whole Easter festival is tactless.

    easter isn't tactless

    easter

  • Happy Easter from somebody who feels like the whole holiday is an elaborate prank perpetrated by chocolate vendors.

    chocolate vendors

    easter

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