Thanksgiving Greetings

You know, some of these Thanksgiving messages are almost semi-appropriate.

What is Thanksgiving? Well, it started when a bunch of really cool Americans fed some illegal immigrants from Europe. Now, these illegals – some radical religious extremists with a penchant for wearing amusing hats – got drunk and kept calling the Americans ‘Indians’. Obviously, that heinously rude, but the Americans were cool about it, so to commemorate the spirit of their hospitality, the descendants of those very same illegal immigrants now dine once every year with a bunch of people they personally do not like.

In my opinion, the best way to celebrate the holiday is alone, whilst eating an entire pizza. That way, you don’t have to share the pizza. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than being expected to share pizza (except maybe having to share ice cream). A better way to celebrate Thanksgiving, I’m told, is with friends. Friendsgiving, it’s called. Fairly self-explanatory, though personally I’m not a big of the idea. See previous remarks about sharing pizza. Nonethless, I hope you all enjoy the holiday, and I hope you enjoyed this happy Thanksgiving message. See you on another holiday…