Oh look ... slightly inappropriate jokes about committing a bit of light arson at work. Harmless, really.
Everyone should have a mission statement. If you don't have one yet my advice is to write one that would make your Human Resources department panic. You should listen to me because the laws that govern probability suggest that I'll be right about everything at least part of the time. And today I'm feeling lucky.
A new workplace card is long overdue. When I sat down to create one today my mind turned naturally and predictably to the large, even-toed ungulates within the subfamily Bovinae, or bison. Please don't attempt to connect the dots - the association makes vivid sense provided it is not subjected to careful analysis.
Do you ever find yourself blacking out and waking up hours later in a field several miles from your home holding a dead squirrel and having no memory of how you got there? Yeah, I don't either and I blame the people around me for expecting more of me than that. I did a card about Being Evil. I don't advise sending it to anyone.
You know what bugs me? Being told I have pathological problems with authority. I just don't see it, man. And besides, why I should be subjected to psycho-babble just because I rightly understand that if I don't terrorize a middle-manager every day the entire world will fall into a thousand years of darkness, with pestilence and giant clowns? I'm a bit disappointed in psychiatry, too, obviously.
I think I made this card for the Covid outbreak, as a way of encouraging people to use hand sanitizer. Yes, technically I first published this card in May, 2010, but I've always been ahead of the curve.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card like this and then spend the rest of the day writing letters to various newspaper editors requesting more coverage of the small African nation of Bunwabe. I sign the letters 'concerned'. Bunwabe is a country I completely made up. I believe that one day I'll know why I do this.