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Valentine's Day Cards

For when you really, really hate Valentines Day.

Someone told me these are funny Valentines Day cards. Naturally I was offended. It’s a tawdry holiday. Consumerism as its most shabby. I don’t want people wishing each other Happy Valentines Day. And another thing, why can’t people be more serious?

Last year, someone sent me a Happy Valentines Day Message – using one of my own ecards! And for the first time, I wished these weren’t free Valentine ecards, but actually commercial. Because I should be paid money to endure that sort of nonsensical irony. Listen, no sensible person would use this site. The Valentine’s Day cards especially exist as tacit mockery. They’re wrong and inappropriate. They’re not intended to be useful. These aren’t ‘happy valentines day quotes’. These are one man’s attempt to stave off a nervous breakdown over the awfulness of modern-day consumerism. You’re welcome, by the way.

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