The smell of vodka, cheap aftershave and the stirrings of filial gratitude. It must be Father's Day. He was always there for you, or perhaps he wasn't? Good old whats-his-face. Pa. The guy who knocked up your mother. This is the moment where you have to say 'Thank you, Dad'. Once a year you send the old man a token gesture of 'no-hard-feelings.' You google 'cards fathers day' and then you tap out a few maudlin words and the sorry business is over. Father's Day Card sent. And now for the more pressing task of not turning into him...