The Popular Ecards, Then?

Let's be candid: the 'popular' cards are the ones that people send to people. Useful is different from 'good'. Let me show you an example.

What is the point of sending the above card to someone unless you are prepared to die a week later in some horrible, unforseen accident on a day when the recipient of the card seems to have an ironclad alibi? I think this is a good card, but in no way could it be described as popular. So I'm using the word 'popular' when I really mean 'good and really useless'. I am confident you will appreciate my selection of cards because I am a person of refined taste and decorum. I also designed them all. This next card is about babies. Or is it?

I think babies are okay but they're not terribly useful. You can't depend on them to give you a cigarette, or provide you with the definition of a tricky word you might have just heard a few moments ago. What is more: they are also hopeless swimmers and if you get into trouble at the beach a baby isn't exactly going fall over itself to help you or anything. But I like this baby card because I often suspect that a lot of people with babies have been tricked by evolutionary biology into thinking their children are more interesting than they really are. I don't want to offend anyone who has a baby just now but I do honestly think that many babies are simply lazy and self-involved.

I realize that helicopters are dangerous and probably shouldn't be flown by depressed people but I think that if it occurred to them to steal helicopters then they probably wouldn't be depressed anymore. If you think about it you will notice that my logic is clear and infallible. I would like to add that if you are depressed and steal a helicopter and it doesn't pan out well for you then I don't think you should sue me. I also think that a legal system shouldn't be a service industry for people who refuse to take responsibility for their own lives. People might be happier and less litigious if they just stole helicopters whenever they got sad instead of writing me whiny little letters about how my ideas destroyed their lives or led to hundreds of thousands of dollars in property damage.

I think most of us see things out of the corner of our eyes - or vaguely realize things that are unsettling - and we all know that polite society will do its level best to crush you if you tell anyone about what you see or notice. This is why I invented Wrongcards: so you can use the site and nobody will ever suspect you are telling the truth.

I really like this duck for some odd reason. The version I drew is pretty large and it's really beautiful though this card hardly captures it. I like drawing things but I'm a bit of a perfectionist which makes it hard to be pleased with anything I do. All good artists are perfectionists but sometimes, if we are lucky, all that goes away and perfection ceases to matter. Instead you find yourself alone in the void with your friend that you created for yourself. In this instance, for me, it was a duck. Long story short? It took me five minutes to draw or something but I'm glad I did.

The guy in this card is a friend of mine who happens to be the lead singer of the Boston band rock band Mellobravo. This is a good video of them doing their thing.

I like this one. It's the sort of thing I like to say. You know, this entire site is a fairly autobiographical scrapbook. Much of what appears on the card is something I've said in passing. The cards themselves are strange, happy little demons. I like to let them roam about in public in the hopes they might resonate with other people. But I think any visitor to the site can see that I'm not trying to impress people or appeal to the broader community. I mean, how many people would go looking in a gift store for a card about eating mice? I think some kinds of success should only be an accident. The people who don't know this are the people who create things that are sterile, vapid, crassly commercial, absurd, squalid, banal and tawdry. And I think they should stop.

I read an article a few years back about people who look for online predators and it seemed to be a brave, noble but stressful and heartbreaking job. I wondered if they have an online support group and if children sometimes went there and tried to entice them to picnics or whatever. And one thing led to another and I drew this card. Please notice how useless it is as an ecard. I don't think I like any of the useful wrongcards. All Art, as Oscar Wilde wrote in the beginning of his book A Picture of Dorian Gray, is quite useless.

Again, a completely useless card that has no real purpose or utility. The only ecard that makes any sense to me at all is one that nobody would send to someone. I am pretty sure, however, that custard is a cheap lubricant.

Once again, the chances of this card being useful to anyone are extremely low: so how can this be popular? But this card makes me happy because it seems to be very logical and well-reasoned. Finally, there is this one:

While I celebrate the essential pointlessness of Wrongcards as a useful ecards site (what with the cards being wrong for every occasion) some of them might be very useful, especially if you happen to have a scary imaginary friend. If you look very closely at the card above you will see an imaginary friend reflected in the mirror near the bed. It's a horrible thing to see but there is nonetheless something very sweet about this card. So many of the cards can claim, amid their own mental disorderliness, a lovely uplifting sweetness and optimism. I think this imbues the cards with a certain spiritual worth - even, or perhaps especially, in the cards that celebrate violence against clowns. Thanks for stopping by this page: I'll continue this list on subsequent pages in the weeks to come.