Ecard text: I am sure your baby is going to be more special than all the other babies in the world, and that this is not some trick of evolutionary psychology to keep you from ever forgetting where you last put it.
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Wrongcards offers free, funny ecards that are wrong for every occasion. The site is 'not-for-profit' and contains no ads, other than some reminders that the site's founder writes funny books that you can find at Amazon.

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Random Cards
Ecard text: hi do you want to hold hands? wah i totally suck at romance :(
Ecard text: darling, it'll only take thirty seconds, but at least one of us will be feeling much better.
Ecard text: In accordance with some societal conventions that I surmised all by myself, I am sending you a card with the words HAPPY BIRTHDAY written on it. Here is a picture of a dead rat. Clip art is expensive.
Ecard text: I am sorry you are feeling sick tomorrow and wish there was something I could do to help,
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"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

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The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.