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CheerUp Ecard with text: My spore creatures discovered the theory of evolution, then stopped believing in me :(
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  9. All of creation mocks me

21 Sep 2008

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CheerUp Ecard with text: You think you have problems. My Sims are trapped inside a burning house and someone has bricked up the doors. Life can be so sad.

life can be so sad

Sometimes I play this videogame called The Sims and the little people keep having emotional breakdowns and wind up defecating in their neighbor's kitchens at 3am, or entering other Sim's bedrooms to watch them make-out while they daydream about nachos. God is playing 7 billion games of The Sims. Man, that sure is a lot of thoughts about nachos.

CheerUp

Inspirational Ecard with text: Life is a Role Playing Game in which the Dungeon Master has decided not to explain the rules, so don't worry; it's completely appropriate to panic.

role playing game

The thing about wasps is that you can chant at them and, if they like you, they'll form themselves into a calm sentient pillar in the shape of a person, like a golem, and do your bidding, and carry out certain tasks, like paying the pizza guy or seeing off unwanted visitors. I don't know how people can be sad in such a marvellous world.

Inspirational

Thanksgiving Ecard with text: I am sorry I cannot attend Thanksgiving with your family but I would rather kill Nazis on a Playstation than sit with them at a dinner table.

thanksgiving excuse

It's ALMOST AMERICAN THANKSGIVING. And this card? I created it in 2012 - SEVEN YEARS AGO! It wasn't supposed to be all that relevant. I mean this is Wrongcards not TOTALLY-PRESCIENT-CARDS. Also in 2012, I predicted that the Mayans were wrong and the world wouldn't end around Christmas. I did not, however, predict the rise of gumboots as a fashion accessory. But only because I'm sane.

Thanksgiving

Dark Humor Ecard with text: I don't know what scares me more - International Terrorism, or that 46% of American voters believe the world was created in six days.

evolution

One of my daily challenges is the fact that I understand politics better than everybody else. I already know who will win the US election - some really rich Americans who live in Monaco and Switzerland. Normal Americans who live inside the United States won't fare so well, of course, but at least they'll get to have some interesting arguments among themselves at Thanksgiving.

Dark Humor

from the newsletter

All I could see through the window was the terracotta pot. Mocking me. Apparently, after helping me into the house, my wife went back outside and moved the pot herself. This is why I think women don't understand feelings.

— The Infernal Terracotta Pot

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

you might also like
CheerUp Ecard with text: You think you have problems. My Sims are trapped inside a burning house and someone has bricked up the doors. Life can be so sad.

life can be so sad

Sometimes I play this videogame called The Sims and the little people keep having emotional breakdowns and wind up defecating in their neighbor's kitchens at 3am, or entering other Sim's bedrooms to watch them make-out while they daydream about nachos. God is playing 7 billion games of The Sims. Man, that sure is a lot of thoughts about nachos.

CheerUp

Inspirational Ecard with text: Life is a Role Playing Game in which the Dungeon Master has decided not to explain the rules, so don't worry; it's completely appropriate to panic.

role playing game

The thing about wasps is that you can chant at them and, if they like you, they'll form themselves into a calm sentient pillar in the shape of a person, like a golem, and do your bidding, and carry out certain tasks, like paying the pizza guy or seeing off unwanted visitors. I don't know how people can be sad in such a marvellous world.

Inspirational

Thanksgiving Ecard with text: I am sorry I cannot attend Thanksgiving with your family but I would rather kill Nazis on a Playstation than sit with them at a dinner table.

thanksgiving excuse

It's ALMOST AMERICAN THANKSGIVING. And this card? I created it in 2012 - SEVEN YEARS AGO! It wasn't supposed to be all that relevant. I mean this is Wrongcards not TOTALLY-PRESCIENT-CARDS. Also in 2012, I predicted that the Mayans were wrong and the world wouldn't end around Christmas. I did not, however, predict the rise of gumboots as a fashion accessory. But only because I'm sane.

Thanksgiving

Dark Humor Ecard with text: I don't know what scares me more - International Terrorism, or that 46% of American voters believe the world was created in six days.

evolution

One of my daily challenges is the fact that I understand politics better than everybody else. I already know who will win the US election - some really rich Americans who live in Monaco and Switzerland. Normal Americans who live inside the United States won't fare so well, of course, but at least they'll get to have some interesting arguments among themselves at Thanksgiving.

Dark Humor

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Our decline into madness is inevitable, so there's really no need to panic.
— Never Go Full Rowling (Spoiler: You Will)

An illustration of a coffee-cup, and the text: 'buy me coffee'.

all of creation mocks me

...

tags:video games, evolution, games, spore

My spore creatures discovered the theory of evolution, then stopped believing in me :(
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