Thank you for not sending me down a river in a basket made from reeds so that I might be found by a Childless Queen and raised in that strange, distant realm to be a great and terrible leader of men.

I'm not allowed to celebrate Mother's Day with Mother, so each year I make a life-sized doll, you see, and I sit with her at the table and we make tea and I bring her favorite cigarettes and liquorice. When it is over I take her outside and set her on fire. Without traditions we would all be lost.