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Workplace Ecard with text: Try not to regard it as 'pissing your life away in an office job' and see it more as a Devil's Bargain you made, trading adventure and excitement for the sake of security that you never regret, except between midnight and three am
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  9. Devils bargain

13 Oct 2009

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Workplace Ecard with text: Companies are always looking for someone who can think outside the box. They like to hire them, and force them to not think outside the box.

thinking outside the box

'One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I said, have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot? Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm not confused doesn't make it any easier.'

Workplace

Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. And if at midnight a demon appears in your room talking about some contract I supposedly signed in your name, just ignore him. He is not to be taken seriously and is merely confused.

midnight contract

I hate seeing humanoids with black eyeballs. It makes it so much harder to relate to them. Now I'm not a judgmental person (except when I take an instant dislike to someone because I don't like their hat) but if I see a reptilian creature with bat wings I cross the street. I think it's because I don't want to get caught up in all their drama.

Birthday

Baby Ecard with text: If you don't like your first-born, it's useful keeping him or her around because it can be useful in supernatural transactions.

transactions

Congratulating people whenever they contribute to the human over-population problem is an important, profitable niche in the greeting card market. I may suck at inventing business concepts (cards that you shouldn't send to anyone?) but I'm going all out to meet my professional obligations today.

Baby

Excuses Ecard with text: I regret I cannot hang out with your friends but any discussion about shoes is psychic torture that should have been banned by the United Nations years ago.

shoes

Excuses cards are intended to help you evade unwanted social engagements. It's always better to send a card than to show up and discover you need to stab someone in the leg with a fork. Unless they're serving profiteroles - those can often be worth the fuss.

Excuses

from the newsletter

It was an unfortunate situation and I should tread carefully here, with all due tact and sensitivity, because I believe this gentleman’s issues relate to mental health. In fact, it is my impression that mental health experts would describe his condition as that of a Stark Raving Lunatic.

— Wrongcards Works a Bit Better Now, Which is Nice

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

you might also like
Workplace Ecard with text: Companies are always looking for someone who can think outside the box. They like to hire them, and force them to not think outside the box.

thinking outside the box

'One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I said, have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot? Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm not confused doesn't make it any easier.'

Workplace

Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. And if at midnight a demon appears in your room talking about some contract I supposedly signed in your name, just ignore him. He is not to be taken seriously and is merely confused.

midnight contract

I hate seeing humanoids with black eyeballs. It makes it so much harder to relate to them. Now I'm not a judgmental person (except when I take an instant dislike to someone because I don't like their hat) but if I see a reptilian creature with bat wings I cross the street. I think it's because I don't want to get caught up in all their drama.

Birthday

Baby Ecard with text: If you don't like your first-born, it's useful keeping him or her around because it can be useful in supernatural transactions.

transactions

Congratulating people whenever they contribute to the human over-population problem is an important, profitable niche in the greeting card market. I may suck at inventing business concepts (cards that you shouldn't send to anyone?) but I'm going all out to meet my professional obligations today.

Baby

Excuses Ecard with text: I regret I cannot hang out with your friends but any discussion about shoes is psychic torture that should have been banned by the United Nations years ago.

shoes

Excuses cards are intended to help you evade unwanted social engagements. It's always better to send a card than to show up and discover you need to stab someone in the leg with a fork. Unless they're serving profiteroles - those can often be worth the fuss.

Excuses

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An illustration of a coffee-cup, and the text: 'buy me coffee'.

devils bargain

...

tags:banality, conformity, devil

Try not to regard it as 'pissing your life away in an office job' and see it more as a Devil's Bargain you made, trading adventure and excitement for the sake of security that you never regret, except between midnight and three am
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