Workplace Ecard with text: Try not to regard it as 'pissing your life away in an office job' and see it more as a Devil's Bargain you made, trading adventure and excitement for the sake of security that you never regret, except between midnight and three am

13 Oct 2009

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thinking outside the box

'One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I said, have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot? Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm not confused doesn't make it any easier.'

Workplace

Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. And if at midnight a demon appears in your room talking about some contract I supposedly signed in your name, just ignore him. He is not to be taken seriously and is merely confused.

midnight contract

I hate seeing humanoids with black eyeballs. It makes it so much harder to relate to them. Now I'm not a judgmental person (except when I take an instant dislike to someone because I don't like their hat) but if I see a reptilian creature with bat wings I cross the street. I think it's because I don't want to get caught up in all their drama.

Birthday

transactions

Congratulating people whenever they contribute to the human over-population problem is an important, profitable niche in the greeting card market. I may suck at inventing business concepts (cards that you shouldn't send to anyone?) but I'm going all out to meet my professional obligations today.

Baby

shoes

Excuses cards are intended to help you evade unwanted social engagements. It's always better to send a card than to show up and discover you need to stab someone in the leg with a fork. Unless they're serving profiteroles - those can often be worth the fuss.

Excuses

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