Easter Greetings Ecard with text: Sorry I'm not in the mood for Easter this year. Here is a drawing of a Basilosaurus instead.

4 Apr 2010

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thinking outside the box

'One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I said, have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot? Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm not confused doesn't make it any easier.'

Workplace

pterodactyl

The worst thing about people being sad is the way they try to make you the scapegoat. 'I am sad because of you. I am sad because I don't have a sofa anymore. I am sad because we had to call fire-fighters to the house.' My point here is that people wouldn't need to feel sad if they didn't buy brown sofas in the first place. Here is an ecard with a pterodactyl on it.

CheerUp

Inspirational Ecard with text: You have no reason to be unhappy. Here are half a dozen better reasons to be unhappy.

stegosaurus

'Sometimes people say they are sad and they list off their reasons for being sad and I think to myself: these are good reasons to feel sad, but I have some better ones. I guess that if someone is feeling melancholy then, well, why should it be for amateurish reasons? It's called 'seizing the teachable moment'. And you guys? You don't pay me enough.'

Inspirational

Valentines Ecard with text: Happy Valentines Day, etc. I honestly bought you chocolate but can no longer find it and am now operating under the theory that it was eaten by raptors.

raptors

Some say that Valentines Day is a commercialized confidence trick played on lovers, a cloying manufactured holiday, a manipulative marketing mechanism. But me? I only worry about two things. One, that if you don't buy someone chocolate right now, your entire relationship will crumble to pieces. And two, that raptors may not be as extinct as 'the authorities' claim.

Valentines

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