
In Recollection of Past Mischief
I spent years working hard for the usual reason: dire financial necessity. But fortunately, my work life granted me all sorts of silly situations and moments that I, at least, found spiritually sustaining.

Of Cake and Compliments
It's Christmas Eve, and I've been making cakes and receiving compliments.

And The FBI Has Lost My Fingerprints
This sort of thing happens to me quite a lot.

I watch Bill O'Reilly so I know that the widespread lack of belief in Santa can be explained as a plot against Christmas by liberal elites. Sometimes I'm not certain though. I tortured this elf in my bedroom for more information, and I'm very good at that, but so far he's given up nothing. I feel like I've failed all of you.