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Ecard text: It is an increasingly common practice to put an elf doll in children's bedrooms. A supernatural doll that gathers data on their ethical performance. Former Russian KGB officers are probably kicking themselves.
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I watch Bill O'Reilly so I know that the widespread lack of belief in Santa can be explained as a plot against Christmas by liberal elites. Sometimes I'm not certain though. I tortured this elf in my bedroom for more information, and I'm very good at that, but so far he's given up nothing. I feel like I've failed all of you.

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"Shea is beginning to think that stealing the world's most famous skull wasn't the best way to launch his career in cat burglary..."

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From My Newsletter, June 20, 2019

I also considered throwing a chair through a window, but I didn't because it was my chair, and also my window. One should be particular when it comes to picking out targets for petty acts of vandalism.

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Ecard text: if ever asked, you believe the government only listens in on us for our own benefit. try and appear interested only in fashion and cosmetics. remember, always act as if nothing is wrong.
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Ecard text: my investigations have concluded that barbie doesn't work for al qaeda
On Wednesdays I post a link to an older card and then spend the rest of my day working as a volunteer on a street corner, raising awareness about how annoying people can be when they stand on the street corners raising awareness about things. Happy Wednesday!
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