Ecard text: I cannot hang out with you due to having accidentally uttered a string of random consonants that sounded too much like a particularly unwholesome ancient epithet that has inadvertently displeased Ereshkigal, the Sumerian Goddess of the Underworld.
about this card
If you're an introvert you know what a pest invitations can be. You're not shy, you just don't want to be there... alone, in a crowd, feeling your authenticity being eroded by the battery-acid of inauthentic social expectation. Where was I going with this - that's right: excuses. Forget plausible excuses, they can be rebutted. No, a sophisticated introvert knows to employ the implausible...
ABOUT THIS CARD
If you're an introvert you know what a pest invitations can be. You're not shy, you just don't want to be there... alone, in a crowd, feeling your authenticity being eroded by the battery-acid of inauthentic social expectation. Where was I going with this - that's right: excuses. Forget plausible excuses, they can be rebutted. No, a sophisticated introvert knows to employ the implausible...

subscribe to my newsletter

Sign up here to get the latest updates and
receive one of my novels for free.

Random Cards
Ecard text: everything in the world is fantastic. i love the government. merry Christmas
Ecard text: ironically penile augmentation is cheaper than this car
Ecard text: Another positive thing about midget porn is that it takes up 50% less space on your hard drive.
Ecard text: I'm sorry that I find it easier to spend time at Lifehacker than to actually be productive.
BOOKS BY ME

"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

— The Harvard Skull Fiasco

Subscribe, and receive for free!

"One of the funniest books that I've read."
—Joe Z.

"A fun, zany book full of quirky characters, witty banter, and clever plot twists."
— E. C. Rider.

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

"I enjoyed this the second entry in the "Blue Bandicoot" series even more than the first; in particular the second half here is fantastic."
—James M.

"Wickedly funny."
— R. Massey

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.