Ecard text: a feller has to do an awful lot of annoying stuff just to get some attention from the ladies.
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Wrongcards offers free, funny ecards that are wrong for every occasion. The site is 'not-for-profit' and contains no ads, other than some reminders that the site's founder writes funny books that you can find at Amazon.

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Random Cards
Ecard text: Every year my stupid voodoo-obsessed cat starts prophesying your death. Next time I'm getting one that's a nihilist.
Ecard text: I am sorry to hear you are unwell and hope it is not rabies.
Ecard text: now it's a frothy discharge. is that wrong?
Ecard text: im just saying that sexual intercourse would probably fix whatever it is that is wrong with you.
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"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

— The Harvard Skull Fiasco

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"I enjoyed this the second entry in the "Blue Bandicoot" series even more than the first; in particular the second half here is fantastic."
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The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.