Ecard text: Congratulations on your new baby. I'm sorry it's probably not the gender you wanted but you can always love it slightly less. Don't worry I won't tell anyone.
about this card
The behavioral nuances of an infant do not exactly enliven the mind unless, and I'm guessing here, your genetic material was used in its manufacture. Then it's all diverting stuff. Look, I love the arrival of a baby but a soliloquy from a new parent about an infant's burping habits? I can only remain in the room if I'm incapacitated, and even so, I still be clutching my head and screaming.
ABOUT THIS CARD
The behavioral nuances of an infant do not exactly enliven the mind unless, and I'm guessing here, your genetic material was used in its manufacture. Then it's all diverting stuff. Look, I love the arrival of a baby but a soliloquy from a new parent about an infant's burping habits? I can only remain in the room if I'm incapacitated, and even so, I still be clutching my head and screaming.

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Ecard text: Librarians pretend to freak out when you cut interesting pages out of their books but secretly they are happy that you love books.
Ecard text: Im sorry that death is such a buzz kill and that Ive been thinking more about breasts than your tragic loss. I just find them very life-affirming. See? Life-affirming.
Ecard text: thanks. so this is what gratitude feels like. huh.
Ecard text: i love you please dont beat me with a stick
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