Thinking of You Ecard with text: I'm not saying you have bad taste in music because I am your friend and friends don't say things like that. Even when it's right. Even when it's wrong. Because then it's just some kind of great, insidious insect burrowing deep into the aching grey pulp of their brains, they say nothing. And it completely sucks.

8 Jul 2009

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christmas mantis

Have you talked to your children about the Christmas Mantis yet? I have. There's a note here from the school, they want me to come in and talk about it. What's so strange about an eight-foot-long Praying Mantis, climbing through windows, distributing consumer goods? Because an 'overweight Norwegian with a flying sled' is more logical? I don't know. It's better than my Christmas Leopard theory.

Christmas

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I am far too mature to feel like I have to agree with my friends about everything. It's when they disagree with me, however, that we have a problem.

we agree

When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.

Thinking of You

Political Satire Ecard with text: I am sorry that you think it is impolite to talk about politics, especially while the country is going to Hell in a Handbasket due to the widespread political ignorance that has arisen from so many people thinking that is impolite to talk about politics.

hell in a handbasket

I was not, as I mentioned once in a wrongcard, put on Earth to help people feel good about being wrong. But who am I, really? Just your average guy, really, just a regular boy who happens to have an invisible blood-soaked hammer of logic welded to his right hand. I like girls and nutmeg cake. I collect wasps, and destroy traitors and hypocrites with my mind. I'm not complicated.

Political Satire

misheard

I have a theory. Have you ever vomited and thought: 'My God, there's tiny bits of carrots in it. Look at 'em all. Wait, I didn't eat carrots. When's the last time I ate carrots? I need to eat more carrots.' Anyway I have a theory. Your appendix? It produces tiny pieces of carrot for when you throw up. That's my theory. (I never said it was a good theory).

Thinking of You

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