Zombie Ecard with text: given half a chance, a zombie will eat you and anyone you care about.don't try and be a hero and you might live.

13 Apr 2008

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santa knew too much

Santa. He 'knows when you've been bad or good'. That's quite an accomplishment, Santa, thanks very much. Good to know someone is keeping a watchful eye on me. But then again maybe, if you pay too much attention to what a man is doing in his private life, you might get a bit distracted and accidentally tumble down a flight of stairs. , , I'm only looking out for you, Santa.

Christmas

hatchets

I know that Christmas has traditionally been about department stores making money but I've always hoped it might one day become a holiday for children. For some reason people assume I'm cynical but I've always liked children: they're funny, and they remind me of how each of us used to be - truthful, spontaneous, amoral and interesting. No child has ever once bored me with talk of mortgages or promotions. So our first Christmas wrongcard is for the children.

WTF

molotov cocktails

Never play with fire, they say, but that's no way to win at monopoly. I've started three fires during games of monopoly and went on to win each game. I think of fire as the God of Winning.

WTF

Zombie Ecard with text: A realist's plan for dealing with a zombie outbreak. step 1) run away screaming with hands over head in sheer panic and terror.

zombie realism

I've always had a very firm grasp on reality. The reason is that when I was twelve I witnessed my sister's abduction by extraterrestrials from our family home on Martha's Vineyard, which drove me to join the FBI where I investigated unsolved cases alongside a pretty, red-haired forensic pathologist. You don't have to believe me: the truth is out there.

Zombie

from the newsletter

If I am ever renditioned to El Salvador in consequence a fairly innocuous tweet about the synthetic nature of Donald Trump’s hair, I will be the least surprised.

— Of Immigrants and Aliens

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

santa knew too much

Christmas

hatchets

WTF

molotov cocktails

Never play with fire, they say, but that's no way to win at monopoly. I've started three fires during games of monopoly and went on to win each game. I think of fire as the God of Winning.

WTF

zombie realism

Zombie

latest newsletters

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— The Trickster Approach

Reflections on belonging, foreignness, and what keeps us awake in the darkest hours.

— Of Immigrants and Aliens

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— In Which I Change it Up

Occasionally, when a man isn't paying attention, the world creeps up and steals all the potato chips.

— Cyclones and Potato Chips

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