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Birthday Ecard with text: I hope you enjoy your birthday because only God knows how many you have left or which birthday will be your last, and He just wants the whole thing to be an hilarious surprise.
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4 Jun 2009

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Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. The other good news is that your need need to make long-term plans is decreasing year by year.

long term plans

Did you know only 12 million Americans believe that the USA is secretly run by lizard people? It's a very disappointing statistic but lizards are good at disinformation. Today's wrongcard is for birthdays so why, then, am I talking about lizard people? Oh who knows why I do anything.

Birthday

WTF Ecard with text: If I was delusional then God would not have personally befriended me in the first place.

so i am not delusional

I'm not a contentious person because everyone always ends up agreeing with me - at least eventually. Here at Wrongcards I like to stick to safe topics like religion, which reminds me of why I called the site 'wrongcards' in the first place: because I'm right about stuff and people are wrong, though they'll get there eventually which is why I like everyone. Also God told me to call it that.

WTF

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I am treating you with caution until I am certain that you are not going to turn into one of that Jackal-Headed gods of Ancient Egypt, because I'm sick of investing myself in people and winding up feeling foolish.

jackal head

I forgot to login to Facebook for two months. No ill-effects, although I don't think Bill Gate's mind control 5G towers are working on me as well as they used to. And I think the vaccine nanobots are on the blink. Still, I did do some renovations at Wrongcards.com, so that's some good news. Oh, and there's this card ...

Thinking of You

CheerUp Ecard with text: Cheer up. God might not be listening to you but the CIA always is.

redacted

I guess I was born to cheer people up. When someone is sad I remind them that they could die at any moment, perhaps at the hand of a someone they know, who pays for axes with cash, and is, moreover, familiar with the floor plan of their house. God clearly wants us all to be happy, so am I an act of God? I don't know, the Vatican is still ignoring my letters. Nice bureaucracy, guys.

CheerUp

from the newsletter

There I was, desperately trying to defuse the situation, and using my meager high school German to assure everybody present that I do not actually wear women’s panties.

— Strange Passage, Part One

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

you might also like
Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. The other good news is that your need need to make long-term plans is decreasing year by year.

long term plans

Did you know only 12 million Americans believe that the USA is secretly run by lizard people? It's a very disappointing statistic but lizards are good at disinformation. Today's wrongcard is for birthdays so why, then, am I talking about lizard people? Oh who knows why I do anything.

Birthday

WTF Ecard with text: If I was delusional then God would not have personally befriended me in the first place.

so i am not delusional

I'm not a contentious person because everyone always ends up agreeing with me - at least eventually. Here at Wrongcards I like to stick to safe topics like religion, which reminds me of why I called the site 'wrongcards' in the first place: because I'm right about stuff and people are wrong, though they'll get there eventually which is why I like everyone. Also God told me to call it that.

WTF

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I am treating you with caution until I am certain that you are not going to turn into one of that Jackal-Headed gods of Ancient Egypt, because I'm sick of investing myself in people and winding up feeling foolish.

jackal head

I forgot to login to Facebook for two months. No ill-effects, although I don't think Bill Gate's mind control 5G towers are working on me as well as they used to. And I think the vaccine nanobots are on the blink. Still, I did do some renovations at Wrongcards.com, so that's some good news. Oh, and there's this card ...

Thinking of You

CheerUp Ecard with text: Cheer up. God might not be listening to you but the CIA always is.

redacted

I guess I was born to cheer people up. When someone is sad I remind them that they could die at any moment, perhaps at the hand of a someone they know, who pays for axes with cash, and is, moreover, familiar with the floor plan of their house. God clearly wants us all to be happy, so am I an act of God? I don't know, the Vatican is still ignoring my letters. Nice bureaucracy, guys.

CheerUp

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An illustration of a coffee-cup, and the text: 'buy me coffee'.

god will have his jokes

...

tags:mortality, jokes, god

I hope you enjoy your birthday because only God knows how many you have left or which birthday will be your last, and He just wants the whole thing to be an hilarious surprise.
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