Missing You Ecard with text: i miss you and i hate that you can't be here. who can i kill to make this pain go away?

25 Jun 2008

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santa knew too much

Santa. He 'knows when you've been bad or good'. That's quite an accomplishment, Santa, thanks very much. Good to know someone is keeping a watchful eye on me. But then again maybe, if you pay too much attention to what a man is doing in his private life, you might get a bit distracted and accidentally tumble down a flight of stairs. , , I'm only looking out for you, Santa.

Christmas

hatchets

I know that Christmas has traditionally been about department stores making money but I've always hoped it might one day become a holiday for children. For some reason people assume I'm cynical but I've always liked children: they're funny, and they remind me of how each of us used to be - truthful, spontaneous, amoral and interesting. No child has ever once bored me with talk of mortgages or promotions. So our first Christmas wrongcard is for the children.

WTF

molotov cocktails

Never play with fire, they say, but that's no way to win at monopoly. I've started three fires during games of monopoly and went on to win each game. I think of fire as the God of Winning.

WTF

old peoples home

I'm going to go ahead and admit that there aren't many Family Wrongcards yet. Ever since my own family died in an unsuspicious fire that happened while I was on the other side of town making a speech in front of several eyewitnesses, I don't like to think about family. Still, you have to admit it's an institution. And it's incredibly beautiful, the way it dances. Sometimes I think fire is a god.

Family

from the newsletter

I occasionally think about studying marine biology. I think I’d enjoy it on some level, though I doubt I'd ever be good at it. I’d probably achieve nothing as a marine biologist, other than thoroughly alienating a bunch of dolphins, I suppose.

— Misbehaving At Parties

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

santa knew too much

Christmas

hatchets

WTF

molotov cocktails

Never play with fire, they say, but that's no way to win at monopoly. I've started three fires during games of monopoly and went on to win each game. I think of fire as the God of Winning.

WTF

old peoples home

Family

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Our decline into madness is inevitable, so there's really no need to panic.

— Never Go Full Rowling (Spoiler: You Will)

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