Ever done anything that required a sincere apology later? Me either. I've certainly apologized for some minor acts of arson, and that time I forgot to carry my own tray to the trash bins in the food court, but apologies aren't about right or wrong. Apologies are like nailing a dead fruit bat to someone's door; you don't want to do it but it's an easy way of quieting a person down. I'm here to help.
Apology
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They say the best way to fight fire is with fire, but fire is useful for fighting all sorts of other things. Bees, for instance. Noisy neighbors. People who stand near bus stops in rabbit costumes. On another topic - sometimes people will try to get you to apologize by apologizing first for something less significant than, say, setting fire to someone's aunt. It's a rhetorical trick - don't fall for it!
Apology
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Whenever I apologize to someone I always try to make it sound heartfelt and sincere. I believe the best way of sounding heartfelt and sincere is the employment of a giraffe sock puppet. If you don't own one, ask the person to whom you are apologizing to simply imagine you have one on your hand. You should also warn them that the giraffe is a bit 'bitey'. Just in case your apology isn't good enough for them.
