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Ecard text: Im sorry that we argued and that you lost that argument, but in my defense, I wasnt trying very hard to win.
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Ever done anything that required a sincere apology later? Me either. I've certainly apologized for some minor acts of arson, and that time I forgot to carry my own tray to the trash bins in the food court, but apologies aren't about right or wrong. Apologies are like nailing a dead fruit bat to someone's door; you don't want to do it but it's an easy way of quieting a person down. I'm here to help.

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Ecard text: I am deeply and sincerely sorry that you thought you could beat me in an argument.
They say the best way to fight fire is with fire, but fire is useful for fighting all sorts of other things. Bees, for instance. Noisy neighbors. People who stand near bus stops in rabbit costumes. On another topic - sometimes people will try to get you to apologize by apologizing first for something less significant than, say, setting fire to someone's aunt. It's a rhetorical trick - don't fall for it!
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Apology cards

Ecard text: I am sorry you got angry at me when I contradicted your hallucinated version of reality.
Whenever I apologize to someone I always try to make it sound heartfelt and sincere. I believe the best way of sounding heartfelt and sincere is the employment of a giraffe sock puppet. If you don't own one, ask the person to whom you are apologizing to simply imagine you have one on your hand. You should also warn them that the giraffe is a bit 'bitey'. Just in case your apology isn't good enough for them.
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Excuses cards

Ecard text: 'Very soon I will think of something offensive to say that will cause three hours of bitter argument, followed by a solid half hour of make-up sex. (Note: I dont have anything yet, other than some fairly controversial views about geese).'
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Ecard text: let's get mashed and fight a duel
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