Zombie Ecard with text: Killing zombies is good for our relationship.

18 Nov 2008

Share this Card

Twitter Linkedin Facebook Pinterest Reddit Email

rocky phase

Lately a lot of people have been assuming I was dead. It's strange how a man can't paint himself a greenish hue and lay about near busy intersections without everyone making weird assumptions. Now you might think of vampires as a sort of sublimated necrophiliac rape fantasy but that doesn't make them any less creepy. Today's card contains an octopus. The mention of vampires was just randomness.

WTF

Zombie Ecard with text: A realist's plan for dealing with a zombie outbreak. step 1) run away screaming with hands over head in sheer panic and terror.

zombie realism

I've always had a very firm grasp on reality. The reason is that when I was twelve I witnessed my sister's abduction by extraterrestrials from our family home on Martha's Vineyard, which drove me to join the FBI where I investigated unsolved cases alongside a pretty, red-haired forensic pathologist. You don't have to believe me: the truth is out there.

Zombie

CheerUp Ecard with text: You think you have problems. My Sims are trapped inside a burning house and someone has bricked up the doors. Life can be so sad.

life can be so sad

Sometimes I play this videogame called The Sims and the little people keep having emotional breakdowns and wind up defecating in their neighbor's kitchens at 3am, or entering other Sim's bedrooms to watch them make-out while they daydream about nachos. God is playing 7 billion games of The Sims. Man, that sure is a lot of thoughts about nachos.

CheerUp

Love Ecard with text: Love is like a rhinoceros with a saddle in the sense that if a pithy ecard with an obscure simile is somehow applicable to your relationship then you should both sit down and, over a nice cup of tea, work out what it is you are both doing wrong.

recursive rhinoceros

'Love is like a rhinoceros wearing a saddle...' Sometimes I'm on fire, and I don't mean when I'm playing with kerosene and a lighter. My doctor says it's because I have a better grasp of reality than most. He stops by occasionally and counsels me and I'm helping him work through some issues with being dead and invisible to his loved ones. Share this card, it has good advice.

Love

from the newsletter