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Thanksgiving Ecard with text: later they will say nobody expected the rise of hoards of undead thanksgiving zombie turkeys, all hungry for bloody vengeance...
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17 Nov 2008

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Concerned Ecard with text: I'm not saying that you worry about trivial, absurd things. I'm saying that you worry about trivial, absurd things AND fail to appreciate the dangers of couch monsters. (Picture of a couch with tentacles.)

worries

There is nothing worse than people fretting about frivolous things. Well, being pecked to death by half-starved ducks is probably worse. Also, being followed around by the same pigeon for weeks was pretty rough when that happened to me recently. I had to keep buying it fries to prevent it from brow-beating me. Stupid bird.

Concerned

Zombie Ecard with text: A realist's plan for dealing with a zombie outbreak. step 1) run away screaming with hands over head in sheer panic and terror.

zombie realism

I've always had a very firm grasp on reality. The reason is that when I was twelve I witnessed my sister's abduction by extraterrestrials from our family home on Martha's Vineyard, which drove me to join the FBI where I investigated unsolved cases alongside a pretty, red-haired forensic pathologist. You don't have to believe me: the truth is out there.

Zombie

Zombie Ecard with text: A zombie apocalypse can get pretty lonely. But no matter how alone, how bored, how curious, don't even think about it.

loneliness

Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...

Zombie

Zombie Ecard with text: 'In the event of zombies, remember: sanity first. Try to take some time out of every day to enjoy yourself. (Picture of bloodstained bobcat forklift thing chasing zombie).'

sanity first

I worry about some things. I worry that there's going to be a zombie outbreak and that most of you aren't going to approach it with the spirit of joie de vivre. 'Cause I've seen the movies and everyone runs around screaming and dying while talking earnestly about their relationships. I want you to all know that I'll do my best to help you survive but no-one is allowed to be a buzz-kill, okay?

Zombie

from the newsletter

I regret it did not occur to me sooner that we could have tattooed onto my father’s body the following words, 'I buried the gold bars at the following map coordinates ...'

— Saying Goodbye To My Father

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

you might also like
Concerned Ecard with text: I'm not saying that you worry about trivial, absurd things. I'm saying that you worry about trivial, absurd things AND fail to appreciate the dangers of couch monsters. (Picture of a couch with tentacles.)

worries

There is nothing worse than people fretting about frivolous things. Well, being pecked to death by half-starved ducks is probably worse. Also, being followed around by the same pigeon for weeks was pretty rough when that happened to me recently. I had to keep buying it fries to prevent it from brow-beating me. Stupid bird.

Concerned

Zombie Ecard with text: A realist's plan for dealing with a zombie outbreak. step 1) run away screaming with hands over head in sheer panic and terror.

zombie realism

I've always had a very firm grasp on reality. The reason is that when I was twelve I witnessed my sister's abduction by extraterrestrials from our family home on Martha's Vineyard, which drove me to join the FBI where I investigated unsolved cases alongside a pretty, red-haired forensic pathologist. You don't have to believe me: the truth is out there.

Zombie

Zombie Ecard with text: A zombie apocalypse can get pretty lonely. But no matter how alone, how bored, how curious, don't even think about it.

loneliness

Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...

Zombie

Zombie Ecard with text: 'In the event of zombies, remember: sanity first. Try to take some time out of every day to enjoy yourself. (Picture of bloodstained bobcat forklift thing chasing zombie).'

sanity first

I worry about some things. I worry that there's going to be a zombie outbreak and that most of you aren't going to approach it with the spirit of joie de vivre. 'Cause I've seen the movies and everyone runs around screaming and dying while talking earnestly about their relationships. I want you to all know that I'll do my best to help you survive but no-one is allowed to be a buzz-kill, okay?

Zombie

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An illustration of a coffee-cup, and the text: 'buy me coffee'.

later they will say

...

tags:turkeys, turkey, zombies, monsters

later they will say nobody expected the rise of hoards of undead thanksgiving zombie turkeys, all hungry for bloody vengeance...
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