Halloween Ecard with text: Decorating a front lawn with the rotting fruits of a late-night grave robbery is a felony. But sometimes, an authentic Halloween requires that we go that extra mile.

28 Oct 2008

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bright side

I dislike funerals 'cause afterwards you have to go and mill about at someone's house and there is always potato salad covered in plastic wrap. And I really hate potato salad. But my job requires that I write Sympathy Cards, so I have to brush all the nausea under a metaphorical rug and be professional about death. Today's card? Consummate professionalism about death right there.

Sympathy

Dark Humor Ecard with text: Maybe Jesus wouldn't have avoided us so much in the last 2000 years if we hadn't kept ritualistically eating his corpse.

catholic vegetarian

My Grandmother taught me everything there is to know about world religions, ie. lizards from space have infiltrated all world governments, we're part of the resistance, and all other religious beliefs are crazy. She taught me to be tolerant, and believe in all religions, except when they contradict the stuff about lizards because that's just CIA disinformation to test our faith. Hi Nanna!

Dark Humor

always remember

Christmas is a time for families. I was raised by my Nanna but she's dead now, though she still appears occasionally in my kitchen at odd hours of the night to howl and gesture menacingly at me. No idea what that's about. At Christmas we would decorate her pet lizards and hook them up to car-batteries to make them dance for us. It was so much fun to be a kid! No idea why I grew up really.

Christmas

Inspirational Ecard with text: The secret to having a successful career is to be in the right place at the right time with a camera.

secret of success

We have an entire category of Inspirational Ecards, though it's a sadly neglected place lately because, well, if I was to write a self-help book it would probably be called 'Everybody Should Work It Out For Themselves' and Chapter III would be titled 'Choosing Randomly'. BTW today's card is an inspirational ecard, so shush.

Inspirational

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