Sympathy Ecard with text: Im sorry that death is such a buzz kill and that Ive been thinking more about breasts than your tragic loss. I just find them very life-affirming. See? Life-affirming.

3 Jun 2009

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breast defense

... and then it occurred to me that many men will be forgetting Valentines Day, and thus might be in dire need of an apology card tomorrow. Think about it. Think of the countless men who will awaken tomorrow to a frosty silence and spend the first half of the day in frozen bewilderment as to what the hell they forgot to do. And you thought YOU had problems.

Apology

misheard

I have a theory. Have you ever vomited and thought: 'My God, there's tiny bits of carrots in it. Look at 'em all. Wait, I didn't eat carrots. When's the last time I ate carrots? I need to eat more carrots.' Anyway I have a theory. Your appendix? It produces tiny pieces of carrot for when you throw up. That's my theory. (I never said it was a good theory).

Thinking of You

long term plans

Did you know only 12 million Americans believe that the USA is secretly run by lizard people? It's a very disappointing statistic but lizards are good at disinformation. Today's wrongcard is for birthdays so why, then, am I talking about lizard people? Oh who knows why I do anything.

Birthday

Thinking of You Ecard with text: Don't leave your body to science, leave it to me. Necromancers aren't just born, you know. It all takes practice.

leaving your body

What time is it? Today's rehash Wednesday card is here, but I am in Spain, and it's sunset now but the clock says it's 10pm. That can't be right, can it? Also it feels like a Tuesday. The claw-hammer of jetlag is offering mixed opinions. Who invented jetlag? The Wright Brothers. Those guys are overrated. Screw you Wright Brothers I'm eating breakfast.

Thinking of You

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