Ecard text: I'm not going in to work today because I'm either temporarily unable to muster the strength to pretend that anything I do has any significance. Or because I have a bit of a nasty cough.
about this card
Some days it's not all that apparent to me why I'm not on a beach somewhere. People should be handing me beverages and offers to relax me in fresh, imaginative ways. Some days I wonder if I took a wrong turn when I decided to base my career on the principle of being honest.
ABOUT THIS CARD
Some days it's not all that apparent to me why I'm not on a beach somewhere. People should be handing me beverages and offers to relax me in fresh, imaginative ways. Some days I wonder if I took a wrong turn when I decided to base my career on the principle of being honest.

subscribe to my newsletter

Sign up here to get the latest updates and
receive one of my novels for free.

Related Cards
Ecard text: I cannot attend that thing you are organizing due to my tendency to say true and reasonable things that make some people panic.
Ecard text: There are many more interesting ways of getting attention besides pretending to be sick
Ecard text: I am sure you would feel better if you just let me practice acupuncture on you.
Ecard text: Sorry you're not feeling well. Hypochondria is a serious condition and we hope you get over it real soon.
BOOKS BY ME

"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

— The Harvard Skull Fiasco

Subscribe, and receive for free!

"One of the funniest books that I've read."
—Joe Z.

"A fun, zany book full of quirky characters, witty banter, and clever plot twists."
— E. C. Rider.

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

"I enjoyed this the second entry in the "Blue Bandicoot" series even more than the first; in particular the second half here is fantastic."
—James M.

"Wickedly funny."
— R. Massey

Read for free on Kindle Unlimited

The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.