Ecard text: nobody will ever understand me like you do. except maybe snake plissken (woot!)
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Wrongcards offers free, funny ecards that are wrong for every occasion. The site is 'not-for-profit' and contains no ads, other than some reminders that the site's founder writes funny books that you can find at Amazon.

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Random Cards
Ecard text: my investigations have concluded that barbie doesn't work for al qaeda
Ecard text: Remember: a capacity for critical thought may diminish your ability to experience actual job satisfaction. You might want to try reality television. Or eating glue.
Ecard text: I miss you.And now Ive brutally stabbed even my closest imaginary friends in a fit of pique Im feeling REALLY alone. This blood is also imaginary. Don't even worry about it.
Ecard text: One way to ensure that your children will do all their chores and homework is to carefully monopolize the household's supply of cigarettes.
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"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

— The Harvard Skull Fiasco

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"A fun, zany book full of quirky characters, witty banter, and clever plot twists."
— E. C. Rider.

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"I enjoyed this the second entry in the "Blue Bandicoot" series even more than the first; in particular the second half here is fantastic."
—James M.

"Wickedly funny."
— R. Massey

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The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.