Word has reached me that your party will not feature an orgy of generously-spirited Norwegian models. And due to this oversight and lack of good planning on your party, I will be unable to attend.

So someone has invited you to a party: the hooks are in, the obligation to attend is fierce, but the thought of it all fills you with a nameless dread. Maybe it's because your friend's friends are lunatics. Or maybe it's because YOU are a lunatic. Doesn't matter. You can stop fretting and just send along this card. Life was meant to be this easy.