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Ecard text: Am relieved to hear you are pregnant and not merely eating too much cake.
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Earlier this week I was in a pillow-fight at a party and for some perverse reason I was being targeted by everyone, and this two-year old child came wandering past in diapers so I picked him up by the leg and used him as a human shield. Then I got a talking-to for most of an hour. I had no idea people get so emotional about human shields. Today's card is something I said that night.

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Ecard text: It's your birthday! They give you a cake. And then a crowd of people help themselves to a slice. And everybody congratulates you while they eat your alleged cake. They eat it all up in front of you and you only get one slice, maybe two.
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