Earlier this week I was in a pillow-fight at a party and for some perverse reason I was being targeted by everyone, and this two-year old child came wandering past in diapers so I picked him up by the leg and used him as a human shield. Then I got a talking-to for most of an hour. I had no idea people get so emotional about human shields. Today's card is something I said that night.
Birthday
cards
It's someone's birthday today, maybe not yours or mine but it's someone's; it's commonsense. I know lots about people and most of what I know about people I learned from spiders. Though wasps, when you think about it, are a kind of winged spider. Spiders don't hum like wasps, they just whistle. Nobody really knows why.
Apology
cards
I'm a good boy: I visit Mother once every three years whether I want to or not, though I tend not to call her on Mothers Day in case she starts to get uppish. I'm a firm believer in doing nice things for Mother so I will probably remember to send her this card this year.
Birthday
cards
It may not be your birthday today but I made each and every one of you this birthday card anyway. Just in case. Oh shush, it was nothing.
