Ecard text: this place is going to burn to the ground one night when i just happen to have an airtight alibi.
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Wrongcards offers free, funny ecards that are wrong for every occasion. The site is 'not-for-profit' and contains no ads, other than some reminders that the site's founder writes funny books that you can find at Amazon.

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Random Cards
Ecard text: 'Hey kids - are you itching to get back at bourgeois status quo? Dont forget: arson isnt just a fun pass-time, it can also be a tool of political dissent. Remember: if they lied about Santa, take a wild guess about your upward mobility.'
Ecard text: Thank you for understanding that my not remembering to get you a birthday present stems from a rejection of banality and an idiosyncratic tendency to focus on the Great Themes of Life rather than the tawdry or mundane.
Ecard text: Four out of five mental health professionals agree that i'm no danger to anybody. Don't worry about that one guy, I'll kill him later.
Ecard text: i'm sincerely sorry for whatever it was that i did this time
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"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

— The Harvard Skull Fiasco

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"I enjoyed this the second entry in the "Blue Bandicoot" series even more than the first; in particular the second half here is fantastic."
—James M.

"Wickedly funny."
— R. Massey

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The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.