Ecard text: I hope a kind of pretentious hand-drawn card will excuse me from feigning an enthusiasm I do not feel. Its not personal, its just not my birthday and it sucks.
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Wrongcards offers free, funny ecards that are wrong for every occasion. The site is 'not-for-profit' and contains no ads, other than some reminders that the site's founder writes funny books that you can find at Amazon.

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Random Cards
Ecard text: Sorry if I inadvertently make you question your own sexuality.
Ecard text: I promise to do the right thing by you, except when it becomes inconvenient. Look, every relationship has its little quirks.
Ecard text: We know that Sigmund Freud never got to the bottom of the question 'what is it that women really want?' because his final work was not a volume of cupcake recipes.
Ecard text: Don't worry I'm happy to babysit. You can pay me in breast milk. I have a lot of pleasant associations with it.
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"The plan was simple — steal the world's most famous skull, and tell no more than 37 close personal friends and co-workers."

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The omnibus edition contains The Harvard Skull Fiasco and Rise of the Blue Bandicoot. The third book will be added for free in late 2020.