Raptors | Valentines Ecard | WRONGCARDS

Valentines Ecard with text: Happy Valentines Day, etc. I honestly bought you chocolate but can no longer find it and am now operating under the theory that it was eaten by raptors. — about this card: raptors | Some say that Valentines Day is a commercialized confidence trick played on lovers, a cloying manufactured holiday, a manipulative marketing mechanism. But me? I only worry about two things. One, that if you don’t buy someone chocolate right now, your entire relationship will crumble to pieces. And two, that raptors may not be as extinct as “the authorities” claim.

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CheerUp Ecard with text: You should just feel grateful that I cannot always control the universe with my mind. (Picture of a Pterodactyl about to attack an innocent-looking man.)

Inspirational Ecard with text: You have no reason to be unhappy. Here are half a dozen better reasons to be unhappy.

Easter Greetings Ecard with text: This Easter - do not eat any eggs that come out of a rabbit. They are not chocolate.

Easter Greetings Ecard with text: The lesson I have taken away from Easter is that if you are really, really, really nice to people, you will be betrayed by your friends, murdered and then, 2000 years later, everyone will remember you by eating a randomly chosen chocolate animal.

Easter Greetings Ecard with text: Sorry I'm not in the mood for Easter this year. Here is a drawing of a Basilosaurus instead.

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books by me

The Harvard Skull Fiasco Book Cover

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Rise of the Blue Bandicoot Book Cover

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The Blue Bandicoot Saga Book Cover

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The Harvard Skull Fiasco Book Cover

Shea suffers from pathological problems with authority. When he's not fixing computers in the library at Harvard Medical School, he's tormenting middle managers and feuding with his boss. But where in the Harvard employee manual does it say you have to behave perfectly at all times?