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Missing You Ecard with text: I miss you and you should come home soon because i am really freaking myself out here.
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26 Jun 2008

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from the newsletter

Is this what life is? A slow gathering of low-level traumas? You become increasingly brittle and vulnerable to petty shocks, then one day you see an unexpected piece of string, and finally succumb to madness?

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My Blameless Life

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Valentines Ecard with text: I don't understand the basic point of Valentines Day so let's instead admire this picture of a penguin holding an ice cream.

penguin with ice cream

Ever since 2003 ice cream has been a sad topic for me. You see, that year a girl asked to share my ice cream and unwittingly, I consented. I lost 46% of my bowl of ice cream that day. Tragedy - always lurking in the wings...

Valentines

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sexy octopus

Well, I wrote a book and it turns out that everybody who knows me will only read it if I suggest THEY'RE in the book (narcissism is rampant these days. SAD!) So I just hint that they only turn up in this one very tasteful sex scene with an octopus, and off they go to buy my book! Works a charm. It's all nonsense - little kids could read my book - but the point is, wow I'm a marketing god.

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An illustration of a coffee-cup, and the text: 'buy me coffee'.

freaking myself out

...

tags:vaseline, animals, chicken, wank

I miss you and you should come home soon because i am really freaking myself out here.
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