Dark Humor Ecard with text: remember - advanced literacy can lead to feelings of despair and alienation. be careful to conceal this. instead, try to obey impulses originating from televisions.

2 Jun 2008

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thinking outside the box

'One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I said, have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot? Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm not confused doesn't make it any easier.'

Workplace

happy like me

I am talented at two things: training wasps to perform tricks, and volunteering. I'm so good at the latter that when I volunteered at the local Suicide Hotline, people stopped calling. My secret? I'd teach my callers how to train wasps. Worked like a charm, too. They would hang up, sobbing with gratitude. My point? Be inspirational! But also maintain an squadron or two of highly-trained wasps.

CheerUp

elephants

Anniversaries are great. If you can keep someone from working out who you truly are for an entire year then you deserve a bit of a romantic celebration. Sadly it is becoming increasingly customary these days to spend your anniversary with your partner and not with prostitutes, but traditional values will come back into vogue, don't worry. Another war will see to that.

WTF

Inspirational Ecard with text: You have no reason to be unhappy. Here are half a dozen better reasons to be unhappy.

stegosaurus

'Sometimes people say they are sad and they list off their reasons for being sad and I think to myself: these are good reasons to feel sad, but I have some better ones. I guess that if someone is feeling melancholy then, well, why should it be for amateurish reasons? It's called 'seizing the teachable moment'. And you guys? You don't pay me enough.'

Inspirational

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