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Ecard text: Cheer up. Trust me, somewhere out there, alone and afraid in the woods, a clown is suffering.
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People sometimes feel bad about things and I blame the media, and also spider monkeys. Everybody puts such an emphasis on bad things happening everywhere but a lot of good things happen that don't get reported on. Each year thousands of circus clowns go missing. If you happen to have information about clown disappearances near you, remember: discretion is everything.



The Story So Far, Part I

I just disappeared for four years. It's time to come out from the woodwork, but where do I start? How about I go back to the middle?

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Ecard text: You cannot kill a clown with logic. But you can kill it with a hammer.
What is Christmas about, anyway? For me it's about inspiring others to be better. As an inspirational figure I want to remind you all that there are people in the world who, for reasons of ethnicity, don't celebrate Christmas. You should reach out to them and make them feel bad about that, so maybe next year they WILL celebrate Christmas, and maybe buy us both presents. Man that'd be cool.
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Ecard text: Before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves in case you happen to meet a clown out there.
I just spent 20 minutes looking for my keys - they get moved around by my enemies - and suddenly realized what an awful day Karl Rove must be having. He dropped millions trying to buy his friend a job but it didn't pan out due to an unanticipated technical error (they counted the votes). Then I found my keys. Woot! They were in a boot. I guess Obama and I are both having a good day.
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Ecard text: tragically, this shot would be illegal in most parts of the world. Lobby governments to overturn laws that protect clowns.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day serving my community. Now, you can't really save the world on your own, but what you CAN do is pick one issue or cause and focus on that. Me? I work to raise awareness of clowns. I'm just trying to make a difference.
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Ecard text: If life has taught me anything it is that the best time to throw darts at a clown is when he is juggling.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day using inexplicable similes. This is, of course, the only routine I have but it still gnaws at my mind like a rabid woodchuck. That aside, can we all agree that there is something horribly wrong with clowns?
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