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Baby Ecard with text: Let's get this out of the way now: I will not be interested in hearing about your child until it grows into something more interesting. Like an arsonist.
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4 Feb 2010

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Excuses Ecard with text: It's not that I don't like hanging out with you. It's that the things that are happening inside my head are usually just more interesting than the things that are happening around me.

inner world

I've been thinking. Brevity really is the soul of [word count exceeded]

Excuses

TGIF Ecard with text: Thank God it's Friday and nobody's desk mysteriously caught fire.

god of fire

Sometimes I like to re-evaluate myself as an individual and, when I do, I like to give myself 10 out of 10 for self-critical-ness. I'm a simple guy who always tells the truth except if I don't feel like it or get carried away, which is pretty rare but it does happen when I'm at George Clooney's place. I'm not his coolest friend but he's like, 'Kris - you're in my top three'. So that's why I'm happy today.

TGIF

Olympics Ecard with text: There is no point in watching Olympic-level shot put events because nothing interesting ever happens.

shot put

I used to be quite the athlete back in high school though I had a far less restrained conception of 'competitive' than other students. I probably would have gone pro if the lawyers hadn't shown up talking legalese and waving restraining orders around. Forced into retirement early I guess. Doctors said that sport wasn't for me. Minor ankle injury and a penchant for lighting fires. Whatever.

Olympics

Mother's Day Ecard with text: Happy Mothers Day. There is no greater proof of my affection for you than the fact that I never set fire to a rival sibling, no matter how funny it would have been.

proof

I'm ignoring our re-hash Wednesday tradition and posting a new card today because, well, I have the power to do so and because I am the boss. Being a boss is like being a king except instead of bringing you courtesans they bring you tea. Today's card is about Mother's Day. I'm sorry I mentioned courtesans before. Sometimes I say things that are a little bit inappropriate. It's a bit of a secret.

Mother's Day

from the newsletter

If I lived in Florida, I would inevitably end up owning a bazooka. It’s just the way I am. Which means that, eventually, I would be incarcerated for shooting that same bazooka at somebody riding a jet-ski.

— The Sunshine State Without the Crazy

my newsletter is called

My Blameless Life

read it here ➞

you might also like
Excuses Ecard with text: It's not that I don't like hanging out with you. It's that the things that are happening inside my head are usually just more interesting than the things that are happening around me.

inner world

I've been thinking. Brevity really is the soul of [word count exceeded]

Excuses

TGIF Ecard with text: Thank God it's Friday and nobody's desk mysteriously caught fire.

god of fire

Sometimes I like to re-evaluate myself as an individual and, when I do, I like to give myself 10 out of 10 for self-critical-ness. I'm a simple guy who always tells the truth except if I don't feel like it or get carried away, which is pretty rare but it does happen when I'm at George Clooney's place. I'm not his coolest friend but he's like, 'Kris - you're in my top three'. So that's why I'm happy today.

TGIF

Olympics Ecard with text: There is no point in watching Olympic-level shot put events because nothing interesting ever happens.

shot put

I used to be quite the athlete back in high school though I had a far less restrained conception of 'competitive' than other students. I probably would have gone pro if the lawyers hadn't shown up talking legalese and waving restraining orders around. Forced into retirement early I guess. Doctors said that sport wasn't for me. Minor ankle injury and a penchant for lighting fires. Whatever.

Olympics

Mother's Day Ecard with text: Happy Mothers Day. There is no greater proof of my affection for you than the fact that I never set fire to a rival sibling, no matter how funny it would have been.

proof

I'm ignoring our re-hash Wednesday tradition and posting a new card today because, well, I have the power to do so and because I am the boss. Being a boss is like being a king except instead of bringing you courtesans they bring you tea. Today's card is about Mother's Day. I'm sorry I mentioned courtesans before. Sometimes I say things that are a little bit inappropriate. It's a bit of a secret.

Mother's Day

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Or, How My Daughter Discovered Australian Politics (and Ran Screaming)
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An illustration of a coffee-cup, and the text: 'buy me coffee'.

more interesting

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tags:arson, arsonist, interesting

Let's get this out of the way now: I will not be interested in hearing about your child until it grows into something more interesting. Like an arsonist.
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