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Hey now! This card is featured in our box of postcards: Box #1: the 'I'm No Longer Angry at Mother ' Edition.

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Ecard text: This year you have not been mauled to death by pissed off Grizzly Bears. Clearly whatever you are doing to keep Grizzly Bears at Bay is working.
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On Wednesdays I typically post an older card that you might not have seen, and then I spend the afternoon writing letters to the International Olympic Committee demanding they introduce Competitive Humming into the London Olympics. It won't work, but at least the person who opens their mail will have a really weird day.

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Ecard text: Sometimes I see thing in the corner of my eye that I don't feel all that comfortable talking about yet.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day going off topic. Today I'm in the Netherlands. The Dutch are a handsome people who, somewhat regrettably, like to speak gibberish. But today's card has nothing to do with Holland - what did you expect?
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Excuses cards

Ecard text: I am sorry I cannot attend your party but I'll be secluding myself indefinitely, or at least until this very persistent zebra stops following me.
If I were a famous individual my name would be prefixed with the phrase 'The Famous Recluse'. I know that sounds grandiose but I don't see any point in being a humble recluse. So anyway I like to provide excuses to recluses. Example: today's card. If you want an unbelievable life, stop being believable right now, I say.
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Ecard text: Every year my stupid voodoo-obsessed cat starts prophesying your death. Next time I'm getting one that's a nihilist.
On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day trying to convince a single individual that I am some kind of imaginary friend that only they can see.
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Ecard text: Sorry I cannot attend your party but somebody died, I have to attend their funeral,police are describing the death as unsuspicious so anyway: I can't go.
The solitary purpose of an Excuses Card is to extricate you from a social obligation. Just send a wrongcard and let me tell lies on your behalf. See? Your conscience is clear. And my conscience? I don't have one yet but I promise that a conscience is the first thing I'm going to buy when I'm rich.
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