Celebration | PAGE 3

Celebration Cards. Perfectly unsuitable ecards for every occasion.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Birthday Congratulations Weddings, Engagements, and Other Mistakes

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: I was going to bring your new baby gold, frankincense and myrrh but I remembered how badly that can turn out. — about this card: december baby | Things might be getting Christmassy but people still seem to be having babies regardless. I don't have a problem with it because you can buy the child one present per year and say: 'this is for your birthday AND Christmas'. This also means more money to spend each year on expensive, imported gourmet puddings.

Birthday Ecard with text: It's your birthday. Pretty soon you'll start to feel intimidated by young people wearing hoodies. — about this card: young people | And we're back from my mid-Autumn hiatus with a Birthday Card. I know a lot of you were beginning to worry that I'd gone and got myself eaten by a bear. I haven't stopped being vigilant of course but around this time of year in Cambridge, MA, I'm more worried about being attacked by supermarket wolves.

Birthday Ecard with text: I would have wished you a Happy Birthday sooner but I wanted to be sure it really as your birthday and not some troubled exercise in narcissism. — about this card: troubled | Sometimes I like to organize surprise birthday parties for random colleagues I don't know very well. Suddenly they're surrounded by cake and balloons and people singing in their cubicle. It's awkward for them because only two people there will know it's not actually their birthday. I suppose it's because I like cake.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: I'm sorry I cannot babysit your child but I suffer from a debilitating phobia of orange-colored excrement. — about this card: debilitating | Babies happen, and when one happens near you, you'd best be prepared. I'm not saying that babies aren't great to be around for a few minutes but there ARE a lot of good PC games coming out in the next three months. What's today's card? Your ticket to freedom.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: 'I'm not saying you have a parasite growing inside of you. I'm saying you're growing a parasite in you that will emerge in a gross spectacle of blood and gore to make demands on your tim efor something like twenty years or more.' — about this card: parasites | You know how it is when you get bored and want to mess with the minds of certain friends or family-members who are 'with child'? Well, I have a strategy for that - a little something I like to call, 'saying things that are true'.

Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday. I give you permission to touch yourself while thinking about me. Paying me a modest sum for the privilege is optional but is considered traditional. — about this card: new birthday tradition | Birthday Card: This card is an attempt to inspire a new, less selfish, Birthday tradition. It is, however, a slightly NSFW sentiment.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: In fairness to myself, the only reason I don't want to hear all about your pregnancy is because I think the process is icky. — about this card: fairness to myself | Today's card is for those who talk frankly about their pregnancies. Or rather, today's card is not for those people. Remember: one of the dangers of Wrongcards is that when you send them to others you run the risk of making yourself understood. I hope this message finds you fine and well.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: Congratulations on the birth of your baby, if indeed it IS your baby and not the baby I read about on the back of my milk carton. — about this card: milk baby | You can send today's card to new parents. Or rather - you shouldn't. New parents can be awfully prickly and humorless - after all, they've just crushed their dreams. But then again, maybe you should. I think the decision really boils down to whether or not you like their cooking. Once again, I'm here to help.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: Placenta should never go to waste. — about this card: old fashioned advice | I can't help it - people I know keep having babies. It's been my experience that new parents get really nervy and upset if you say stuff like 'You know, toddlers are awesome when they're high!' Just in case you were going to say something like this.

Birthday Ecard with text: Happy Birthday etc. Please note that with the receipt of this ecard all of my obligations in the matter are now met. — about this card: birthday obligations | Is it your Birthday today? Then I created a perfect card just for you. A-ha! I don't know anyone having a birthday. It was a lie. I lie like a rug! And I'm adrift in a sea of fabrication and dishonesty. But then again: if it isn't your Birthday then you have to admit, you kinda failed me personally as well. I'm going to forgive you, though, because it's what Dr. Phil would want me to do. Dr. Phil has a nice moustache.

Birthday Ecard with text: May your birthday be peaceful and uninterrupted by a sexually gregarious llama who won't take no for an answer.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: Aside from the fact that, generally speaking, your baby has poor personal hygiene and is lazy, incoherent, unmotivated, self-absorbed, and hogging all the attention, I think the child has a lot to recommend it. — about this card: lazy and unmotivated | 'People are always going and having babies and expecting us to give them gifts. But how can anything we give them top The Miracle of Life? Thats what I ask, but everyone says: no, no you've got to give them a present anyway. So I send a small bottle of rum ("for the baby") or an ecard like this one. Anything to avoid babysitting.'

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