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Excuses Ecards

Excuses. We all need to excuse ourselves occasionally from attending a party. Or abstain from doing something someone wants us to do because we don’t feel like it. Sometimes our excuses are sound enough. It’s just that our friends and family aren’t always reasonable people who understood that sometimes we don’t want to do what we’re told. Sometimes we’d rather drive nails into our legs than attend one of their awful, you know, events they plan. Dinners. Wine and Cheese Nights. Orgies. Such events with family can be a little distasteful. So these Excuses Cards should help you extricate yourself from said awkward scenarios. Some of them are even believable. They’re probably a little inappropriate but that’s what you get from free ecards, cheapskates.

Excuses cards

Ecard text: It's not that I don't like hanging out with you. It's that the things that are happening inside my head are usually just more interesting than the things that are happening around me.
I've been thinking. Brevity really is the soul of [word count exceeded]
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Excuses cards

Ecard text: I cannot hang out with you due to having accidentally uttered a string of random consonants that sounded too much like a particularly unwholesome ancient epithet that has inadvertently displeased Ereshkigal, the Sumerian Goddess of the Underworld.
If you're an introvert you know what a pest invitations can be. You're not shy, you just don't want to be there... alone, in a crowd, feeling your authenticity being eroded by the battery-acid of inauthentic social expectation. Where was I going with this - that's right: excuses. Forget plausible excuses, they can be rebutted. No, a sophisticated introvert knows to employ the implausible...
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Excuses cards

Ecard text: 'If I ever seem to accidentally contradict myself, remember: I am doing it to test your faith. Don't ever say I didn't learn anything from the Bible.'
People often ask if I'm religious. Like any other rational, enlightened man I frequently dialog with Higher Powers. And once or twice I've made myself useful to Him, but why boast of it? He knows my door is always open (provided He doesn't eat all my snacks) and He can always turn to me for spiritual guidance, though I don't like it when He turns up when Bunheads is on.
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Excuses cards

Ecard text: Cannot hang out. Am a prisoner of my mind and it needs me to kill dragons.
I'm still in Granada, and just tried to order room service. I'm in a bit of a difficult mood so I tried to order swan. Black swan. They told me they didn't have black swan on the menu so I said I'd settle for an ordinary swan that had been dyed black. Even when I'm difficult I'm highly reasonable. But I'm not going to lie; this has nothing to do with today's card.
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Excuses cards

Ecard text: The fact that you even want me to do chores around the house reveals a chilling lack of empathy.
I´m sitting on a patio beneath a trellis crawling with lazy grape vines. To my left is a patchwork hill of olive trees and in front of me is a swimming pool. Someone just asked me to help sweep something or clean. I don´t know. I wasn´t listening. I just mention it to reveal how unrealistic people can be when it comes to human psychology. Especially mine.
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Excuses cards

Ecard text: I'm not going in to work today because I'm either temporarily unable to muster the strength to pretend that anything I do has any significance. Or because I have a bit of a nasty cough.
Some days it's not all that apparent to me why I'm not on a beach somewhere. People should be handing me beverages and offers to relax me in fresh, imaginative ways. Some days I wonder if I took a wrong turn when I decided to base my career on the principle of being honest.
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