Sympathy Ecards

The cards are terrifically useful provided they are not sent as sympathy cards. They offer little in the way of actual condolence and they’re not very sympathetic but they might help you rejoice in life. Brief and uncertain as it is.

Ecard text: I am sorry for your tragic loss. But on the bright side you now have a really authentic Halloween decoration.
Ecard text: Funeral homes don't want you to know about the extremely inexpensive hyenas at the zoo option.
Ecard text: I am sorry for your tragic loss and doubt you would contrive this just to avoid having sex with me.
Ecard text: I was sorry to hear about your loss and hope that there is no possible way that you can be mistakenly implicated.
Ecard text: 'I am sorry about your sudden and tragic loss. And can I spare you what was, for me, a painful lesson and suggest you do not idly bring up the topic of cannibalism? Take it from me:  people can get pretty weird at you about it.'
Ecard text: i am sorry you are bereaved but at least you have been rewarded with a small trophy
Ecard text: Sorry to hear about your tragic loss but just remember that life goes on. (For some of us.)
Ecard text: Im sorry that death is such a buzz kill and that Ive been thinking more about breasts than your tragic loss. I just find them very life-affirming. See? Life-affirming.
Ecard text: i think my sympathy for you entitles us to consume a LOT of icecream. after all - what is the point of sympathy if there is no icecream?
Ecard text: id hate for you to interpret my as a lack of sympathy or something. cause then i'd have to get all depressed and down-on-myself, like you are right now, which would totally suck for me. Oh God now you've got me all depressed and