Or more accurately, ecards for NOT showing concern. It's all very subjective, really.
As a wise man once said, ‘Hakuna Matata’. This is a Swahili phrase meaning ‘Go Away, Strange White Person’, though obviously the meaning varies slightly due to differences in regional dialects. One of the meanings of ‘Hakuna Matata’ seems to suggest a sentiment of ‘Don’t Worry’. As in, ‘Don’t worry about Cultural Appropriation’. Or, don’t be concerned about inaccuracies in translation because ultimately nothing matters all that much. In short, Hakuna Matata.
Oh, and some of these ecards will help you express that sentiment. Anyway, not to change topics, but does anyone else think I’m wasting my potential?
I am talented at two things: training wasps to perform tricks, and volunteering. I'm so good at the latter that when I volunteered at the local Suicide Hotline, people stopped calling. My secret? I'd teach my callers how to train wasps. Worked like a charm, too. They would hang up, sobbing with gratitude. My point? Be inspirational! But also maintain an squadron or two of highly-trained wasps.
When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.
My feelings about clowns are finally entering the mainstream; Stephen King just put out a documentary called 'IT', which has been very well received, and my Monday evening 'Clown Awareness' circle has grown to more than seven members (if counting my own dissociated personalities is permitted). So I feel good. And you could feel good too, because you know what else? I'M BACK.
People often say to me 'hey, be careful or you'll set fire to that couch!' Another thing they say is, 'you're a good guy, Che, and a pillar of this community.' And I'm thankful too, which is something you should always feel or at least pretend to feel. This morning I made this card as a way of saying Thank You to people. Don't thank me - well, no, you should absolutely thank me. That's the point, right?
So I invented Rehash Wednesday years ago but the world stole my idea and made it #ThrowbackThursday to avoid having to pay me royalties. Which is fine because I am nice, even people who haven't met me say so all the time. Anyhow, I'm told there is a lot of yellow in this card but I haven't been able to see yellow since I got angry that one time and ate some lead pencils. I think this card is about sheep and morality.
I apologize all the time. Never sincerely, of course - why rob the experience of fun and whimsy? - but just to practice I guess, in case the unthinkable happens. That's right, even I make mistakes, though the last time was in 2003 when I stupidly agreed to share my ice-cream with someone (long story short: I lost half of my ice-cream) but the point is.. look I don't remember. Something to do with sharks.
So the story behind this card is that I was walking near the zoo early this morning when a gorilla escaped its enclosure. I had the good fortune to be eating a toffee apple, which the gorilla had a particular fondness for, so we shared the toffee, had a bit of a heart to heart and then, in a newly restored state of mental calm, the gorilla legged it back over the wall into the zoo. BTW if it doesn't rain on Thursday we're both going swimming!
There is nothing worse than people fretting about frivolous things. Well, being pecked to death by half-starved ducks is probably worse. Also, being followed around by the same pigeon for weeks was pretty rough when that happened to me recently. I had to keep buying it fries to prevent it from brow-beating me. Stupid bird.
... and then it occurred to me that many men will be forgetting Valentines Day, and thus might be in dire need of an apology card tomorrow. Think about it. Think of the countless men who will awaken tomorrow to a frosty silence and spend the first half of the day in frozen bewilderment as to what the hell they forgot to do. And you thought YOU had problems.
The worst thing about people being sad is the way they try to make you the scapegoat. "I'm sad because of you. I'm sad because I don't have a sofa anymore. I'm sad because we had to call fire-fighters to the house." My point here is that people wouldn't need to feel sad if they didn't buy brown sofas in the first place. Here is an ecard with a pterodactyl on it.
My New Year's resolution was to retire from public life utterly. Then Shia Labeouf decided that this was a good idea to borrow, so that's another of my resolutions that have come to naught. In other news, my resolution to live on better terms with my pet wasp is still intact. Horace and I are committed to putting our differences aside this year
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