Apology | PAGE 2

How To Apologize. Ecards to say 'I'm Sorry' to someone who carrying on a bit longer than necessary.

Apology Ecard with text: Im sorry that we argued and that you lost that argument, but in my defense, I wasnt trying very hard to win. — about this card: in my defense | Apologies are like nailing a dead fruit bat to someone’s door. You don’t want to do it but it stops people complaining.

Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry you got angry at me when I contradicted your hallucinated version of reality. — about this card: hallucinated | Whenever I apologize to someone I always try to make it sound heartfelt and sincere. I believe the best way of sounding heartfelt and sincere is the employment of a giraffe sock puppet. If you don't own one, ask the person to whom you are apologizing to simply imagine you have one on your hand. You should also warn them that the giraffe is a bit 'bitey'. Just in case your apology isn't good enough for them.

Apology Ecard with text: I am deeply and sincerely sorry that you thought you could beat me in an argument. — about this card: argument | They say the best way to fight fire is with fire, but fire is useful for fighting all sorts of other things. Bees, for instance. Noisy neighbors. People who stand near bus stops in rabbit costumes. On another topic - sometimes people will try to get you to apologize by apologizing first for something less significant than, say, setting fire to someone's aunt. It's a rhetorical trick - don't fall for it!

Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry you sometimes say irrational things when you get angry and that my effortless rebuttal only seems to further infuriate you. — about this card: effortless | Apologies? Well, there are times when the Nice People From Human Resources have ushered you into a special meeting, and they've given you a scone and tea and are talking in careful measured tones about 'conduct', whatever the hell that is. When that happens, don't throw the scone at anyone. Trust me. Anyhoo, I've got nothing to say about apologies.

Apology Ecard with text: I am deeply sorry that we argued and feel that the whole misunderstanding could have been avoided if you had more immediately accepted the rightness of my views. — about this card: wise | People say 'You're an easy person to agree with.' Or, 'It's easier just to agree with you' or something. I dunno, I try not to listen to flattery. Oprah once said that saying sorry is a sign of emotional intelligence but that doesn't help you at all if you don't do anything wrong. Some days I'm not sure Oprah is as infallible as I want her to be.

Apology Ecard with text: I'm sorry my use of clear and unambiguous language has been a source of so many misunderstandings. — about this card: unambiguous | On Wednesdays I typically like to post an older card you might not have seen yet and then I spend the rest of the day posting pages and pages of random numbers to random postal addresses over in eastern Afghanistan and north-west Pakistan. It'll probably drive a couple of people at the CIA completely nuts. You know, I wasn't like this at all until the government cancelled Gilmore Girls.

Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry that we argued. And I am sorry that afterwards I continued the argument in my head and defeated you several times. — about this card: afterwards | Yesterday I stepped onto a plane and half a day later I was in Granada, Spain. I shall be here for three weeks. I am not fully prepared so I don't know how to say in Spanish, "look, officer, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this and.. look behind you! A three-headed monkey!" But there's no need to be prepared if you're good at apology...

Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry I cried but I really needed to know if I could use tears to trick you into doing things. — about this card: tears | Sometimes I know I have erred. I'll be surrounded by security guards, plastic zip-ties around my wrists, and my grandmother will be explaining 'me' to them over the phone. I have learned, for instance, that banks are not optimum places to play paint ball (though I still think we'd all appreciate some signage). Point? When in error, I apologize. Apologies are how I start the next game...

Apology Ecard with text: I'm sorry I forgot to pretend I was listening to your nonsense. — about this card: listening | Sometimes, when I am enjoying the richness that is my inner-life, I notice that peoples mouths are moving. If I then observe their eyes are looking in my direction, I try to remember to nod musingly, once or twice, as if in profound agreement. Today's card? That's for when I forget.

Apology Ecard with text: I'm sorry I made you envy my penis. — about this card: freudian slipknot | Here's a vaguely NSFW-ish card that would be wrong for anyone to send to anyone. Unless, perhaps, to Mother. Allegedly I have issues. Can't afford a therapist so I did some self-diagnosis with shoplifted psychology textbooks. The diagnosis? Aside from my phobia of clowns my mental health is awesome.

Apology Ecard with text: I want to apologize to you even though you were wrong because I have always been curious to know what a moral high ground feels like. So far I'm enjoying it. — about this card: moral high ground | 'If you have to apologize to anyone then there is no reason you can't enjoy yourself. Also: you're allowed to snicker. If anyone disagrees, say that a stranger on the internet said so. "It's not a proper argument until you've quoted someone on the internet." - Gandhi.'

Apology Ecard with text: I'm sorry I became a little bit irritable when I was unable to control you with my mind. — about this card: little bit irritable | Occasionally I don't get my own way. So I lock myself in a bathroom and have a good cry while my friends sit outside and compliment me for a few hours through the door. Actually that is not what happens. Instead I have to pretend to be sorry and issue cards like these to my friends. Adult life is bitterly unfair.

latest 5 newsletters

Call Me Nebuchadnezzar

In which I accidentally create a religion.

Wrongcards and the Mind Virus

I've been revisiting some of my older cards. Some of them are inexplicable.

A Not So Cricketty Christmas

Some games of cricket can last for weeks. In fact, I think that's one of the reasons I moved to America.

The Infernal Terracotta Pot

I slightly injured myself. Then, whilst forced to do nothing at all, I began to wonder about my own mental well-being.

Strange Passage, Part Two

And then I was locked up in a holding cell, wondering what to do next.