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Excuses Ecards

Excuses. We all need to excuse ourselves occasionally from attending a party. Or abstain from doing something someone wants us to do because we don’t feel like it. Sometimes our excuses are sound enough. It’s just that our friends and family aren’t always reasonable people who understood that sometimes we don’t want to do what we’re told. Sometimes we’d rather drive nails into our legs than attend one of their awful, you know, events they plan. Dinners. Wine and Cheese Nights. Orgies. Such events with family can be a little distasteful. So these Excuses Cards should help you extricate yourself from said awkward scenarios. Some of them are even believable. They’re probably a little inappropriate but that’s what you get from free ecards, cheapskates.

Excuses Ecard with text: It's not that I don't like hanging out with you. It's that the things that are happening inside my head are usually just more interesting than the things that are happening around me.

inner world

I've been thinking. Brevity really is the soul of [word count exceeded]

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: I cannot hang out with you due to having accidentally uttered a string of random consonants that sounded too much like a particularly unwholesome ancient epithet that has inadvertently displeased Ereshkigal, the Sumerian Goddess of the Underworld.

ereshkigal

If you're an introvert you know what a pest invitations can be. You're not shy, you just don't want to be there... alone, in a crowd, feeling your authenticity being eroded by the battery-acid of inauthentic social expectation. Where was I going with this - that's right: excuses. Forget plausible excuses, they can be rebutted. No, a sophisticated introvert knows to employ the implausible...

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: 'If I ever seem to accidentally contradict myself, remember: I am doing it to test your faith. Don't ever say I didn't learn anything from the Bible.'

testing faith

People often ask if I'm religious. Like any other rational, enlightened man I frequently dialog with Higher Powers. And once or twice I've made myself useful to Him, but why boast of it? He knows my door is always open (provided He doesn't eat all my snacks) and He can always turn to me for spiritual guidance, though I don't like it when He turns up when Bunheads is on.

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: Cannot hang out. Am a prisoner of my mind and it needs me to kill dragons.

prisoner

I'm still in Granada, and just tried to order room service. I'm in a bit of a difficult mood so I tried to order swan. Black swan. They told me they didn't have black swan on the menu so I said I'd settle for an ordinary swan that had been dyed black. Even when I'm difficult I'm highly reasonable. But I'm not going to lie; this has nothing to do with today's card.

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: The fact that you even want me to do chores around the house reveals a chilling lack of empathy.

chilling

I´m sitting on a patio beneath a trellis crawling with lazy grape vines. To my left is a patchwork hill of olive trees and in front of me is a swimming pool. Someone just asked me to help sweep something or clean. I don´t know. I wasn´t listening. I just mention it to reveal how unrealistic people can be when it comes to human psychology. Especially mine.

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: I'm not going in to work today because I'm either temporarily unable to muster the strength to pretend that anything I do has any significance. Or because I have a bit of a nasty cough.

mustering

Some days it's not all that apparent to me why I'm not on a beach somewhere. People should be handing me beverages and offers to relax me in fresh, imaginative ways. Some days I wonder if I took a wrong turn when I decided to base my career on the principle of being honest.

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: I cannot come to work today due to an unfortunate flare-up of inner demons.

diablo

When they call my number at the Pearly Gates I expect my entry to be a shoe-in. This is not because I have led a conspicuously virtuous life but because of the disconcertingly high body count I have racked up killing demons in video-games. Also nazis, while I'm thinking about it. I've probably murdered half a bazillion symbolic demons and nazis - how is that not better than prayer?

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: I’m sorry I can’t hang out with you tonight but it’s a full moon and I’m staying inside, because apparently I’m the only one who reacts to possible werewolf infestations responsibly.

infested

It's a Friday, and there are all sorts of dreary social obligations standing between you and a good book. That's where our Excuses Cards can come in handy. By the way, I'm not suggesting that I definitely believe in werewolves. Besides, whenever I suspect that someone is a werewolf I keep it to myself. The last thing we need is a panic.

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: The only thing that has prevented me from doing the chores you asked me to do is my discovery that video games are just more enjoyable.

chores vs video games

As an emotionally intelligent individual I’m aware that everybody makes mistakes. And I should know - I made a mistake once, a sad story that involves me sharing an ice cream that resulted in me having to eat less than half. Fortunately my fallibility makes me good at making excuses...

Excuses

Excuses Ecard with text: I am sorry I cannot attend your party but I'll be secluding myself indefinitely, or at least until this very persistent zebra stops following me.

unwelcome follower

If I were a famous individual my name would be prefixed with the phrase 'The Famous Recluse'. I know that sounds grandiose but I don't see any point in being a humble recluse. So anyway I like to provide excuses to recluses. Example: today's card. If you want an unbelievable life, stop being believable right now, I say.

Excuses

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