Or more accurately, ecards for NOT showing concern. It's all very subjective, really.
I never watched Brokeback Mountain. I don't like westerns I guess. A friend tried to tell me that movie was gay, so I stopped talking to him: I won't tolerate the use of inappropriate language around me. It's a stupid criticism too. I mean, just because someone wears a cowboy hat doesn't make them gay. Anyway, today's card is for those of you bedeviled by authenticity. I love you guys, you know?
I dislike funerals 'cause afterwards you have to go and mill about at someone's house and there is always potato salad covered in plastic wrap. And I really hate potato salad. But my job requires that I write Sympathy Cards, so I have to brush all the nausea under a metaphorical rug and be professional about death. Today's card? Consummate professionalism about death right there.
I'm not ashamed to admit it: I'm a man and sometimes I have emotions. When Bunheads got canceled I went into a bit of a dark place. I dragged most of my furniture into the backyard and burned it all in a cold rage, and grew a beard for a while. Downton Abbey reruns made me feel whole again. You know what? I'm dedicating today's card to you. And to Bunheads.
People, I have a dream - and in that dream there's a goat flying a biplane wearing a leather helmet and goggles and he' chanting Wagner. That's why you shouldn't follow your dreams; sometimes they're rubbish. Now, today's card is an apology ecard. If you should ever really need a good card to apologize to someone for something, remember - wrongcards: not the best place for that.
'I have a theory. Have you ever vomited and thought: "My God, there's tiny bits of carrots in it. Look at 'em all. Wait, I didn't eat carrots. When's the last time I ate carrots? I need to eat more carrots." Anyway I have a theory. Your appendix? It produces tiny pieces of carrot for when you throw up. That's my theory. (I never said it was a good theory).'
I may be a Rapscallion but I also have high standards. This is why I absolutely refuse to drink in a bar that lets people like me through the door. A lot of people ask me how to get started as a Rapscallion but we have a very strict dress code and I always try to talk them out of it. You know, a Rapscallion is only three nice suits away from becoming a bounder. It's why I can't own nice suits.
I'm still in Spain, by the way - and today I spent half a day out in the middle of a field chasing around three rabbits who simply could not understand I wanted to be their friend. (The Spanish Tourism Authority can expect a strongly worded letter). You know how sometimes people insist you apologize for stuff? Today's card makes them less noisy.
'I may not believe in marriage but I believe that everybody, regardless of sexual orientation, is entitled to make mistakes like that. Even though I am a heterosexual boy I would consider marrying a gay person, or even a group of gay persons, if they are all female and good at cooking: why not? It's sad that people aren't always as mature as I am.'
What time is it? Today's rehash Wednesday card is here, but I am in Spain, and it's sunset now but the clock says it's 10pm. That can't be right, can it? Also it feels like a Tuesday. The claw-hammer of jetlag is offering mixed opinions. Who invented jetlag? The Wright Brothers. Those guys are overrated. Screw you Wright Brothers I'm eating breakfast.
If you stab a person in the arm with a pencil you should always apologize afterwards: it's a societal rule. I'm on your side, obviously, but you know how people get worked up about these things. Remember, I'm only offering this guidance because I like you. So say sorry! (If you haven't stabbed someone in the arm yet, you should do that first.)
This one time someone told me I was a bit weird and I told them they were a bit normal and then they looked at me as if I'd behaved like a dog on a croquet lawn. What's a man to do when nobody wants to be weird and nobody wants to be normal? My guess is that there's a fine line in there between and this card rests right there...
I forgot to login to Facebook for two months. No ill-effects, although I don't think Bill Gate's mind control 5G towers are working on me as well as they used to. And I think the vaccine nanobots are on the blink. Still, I did do some renovations at Wrongcards.com, so that's some good news. Oh, and there's this card ...