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page 21

Concerned Ecards

Get Well Ecard with text: get well. but if you don't, i'd find it very consoling if you left me you your wii.

if you don't get well

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Get Well

Apology Ecard with text: i'm sorry i found a dead bat on the street and nailed it to your door. but in my defense, you DID provoke me.

sorry about the dead bat

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Apology

Apology Ecard with text: im sorry i use the phrase knee deep in the blood of traitors and pigs a bit more often than would be considered socially acceptable

traitors and pigs

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Apology

Thank You Ecard with text: thank you for understanding my non-irrational fear of clowns

fear of clowns

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Thank You

Thank You Ecard with text: thank you for not caring that i am batshit crazy

batshit crazy

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Thank You

Apology Ecard with text: i love you very much. im sorry im complicated

complicated

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Apology

CheerUp Ecard with text: I saw this and thought it would cheer you up.

cheer you up.

I know somebody who thinks people falling over is the funniest thing in the world. But I'm still their friend, which obviously speaks to my maturity and high levels of tolerance. I don't see the humor in it, however. If somebody falls down stairs, I just think, 'Why couldn't it happen to my enemies?' And get sad, really, because I don't actually have any enemies anymore. I did for a while, I suppose. Then they died. Fell down some stairs, actually. Kinda sad really.

CheerUp

Apology Ecard with text: i'm sorry i wore the grim reaper costume to your grandmothers 82nd birthday. and once again, i am sorry for your sudden, tragic loss.

grim reaper

A card not to send in the unlikely event of an elderly Grand Mother dying. Remember, it is always considered tasteful to apologize.

Apology

Apology Ecard with text: i'm sorry that when i undermined your entire world view, you completely freaked out instead of thanking me for trying to improve you

undermined world view

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Apology

Apology Ecard with text: i'm sincerely sorry for whatever it was that i did this time

sincerely sorry

I live a blameless sort of life, and rarely have to apologize to anybody, unless they work in Human Resources, of course, and even then, the apology sounds a bit like, 'I'm sorry but I simply have no idea what it is you actually DO here!' which is less of an apology and more of a mission statement, because I think human resources is over-populated as it is, and they need to start firing people right now, and they won't, obviously. Oh, this card? This is for my next meeting with HR.

Apology