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Easter Greetings

Easter Greetings. And remember, without Judas this holiday would not have been possible.

Easter is a chocolate-based holiday that celebrates Jesus bringing chocolate from Egypt to the Israelites who had enslaved the Pharaoh’s people inside Jerusalem. Jesus rode in through the north gate on a donkey and his followers waved palm fronds. Later, they would meet secretly in seafood shops, using the sign of the fish as a revolutionary symbol for Freedom, although this symbol was later co-opted by neo-Darwinists.

Incidentally - neo-Darwinists don’t believe in Easter because they worship monkeys and think the world was created in an explosion (no plausibility there). We celebrate Jesus’ discovery of chocolate at Easter. I’m not sure I really believe there was ever a giant rabbit who distributed eggs but I encourage you all to do your own research.

Easter Greetings Ecard with text: To truly celebrate Easter in the traditional way we must first locate an unorthodox thinker who challenges the status quo and then nail him to some planks.
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about this card: traditional easter | Today is Good Friday. I don't know what Good Friday is about because I haven't read the Bible yet but I have, of course, discerned that there was a lot in the Bible about how much Jesus liked chocolate eggs. If I was a messiah everyone would be setting fire to clowns, then sitting about eating pudding afterwards. But chocolate eggs are okay I guess.
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: This Easter - do not eat any eggs that come out of a rabbit. They are not chocolate.
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about this card: easter psa | I’m in San Francisco writing a script for a Canadian TV adaption of Breaking Bad. The story is set in Alberta. The lead character gets cancer, receives free government healthcare, makes a full recovery and lots of nice friends. I really tried to put a rabbit into the story but it kept touching balloon animals inappropriately. Rabbits. They're so wrong.,
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: The wizard in the sky wants you to buy chocolate wrapped in aluminium in remembrance of a politically-motivated execution of a guy who just wanted everybody to get nice.
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about this card: sky wizard | I like Easter. It's a time in which I feel a great kinship with everyone because now, more than any other time of year, people are glancing at each other, thinking, 'wait a minute, does this make any sense to you?' In other news I'm going to San Francisco tomorrow and, if you're there, you are welcome to buy me tea. Kidnappers need not apply.
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: ‘Eastre’ is the Old English spelling of the name of a Germanic pagan goddess. The Christians named their most important anniversary after her.In today’s marketing language this is called co-branding.
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about this card: co-branding | Today is Good Friday. That's a public holiday in a lot of the world but not in the U.S., because the earliest colonists here were protestants and they got to set all the rules. When we're kicking off space exploration don't let protestants onto the space ships or there'll be no weekends on Mars. Today's card makes commercial use of religious imagery. In other words: Happy Easter!
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: The lesson I have taken away from Easter is that if you are really, really, really nice to people, you will be betrayed by your friends, murdered and then, 2000 years later, everyone will remember you by eating a randomly chosen chocolate animal.
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about this card: easter lesson | I've been meaning to become religious for a while now. I think I'd be really good at it. Everyone would be DAMN he's good at being religious, and I'd be like I KNOW RIGHT. I'd be better at being religious than Jesus, who, let's face it, kept a back-up career just in case (carpentry). My favorite quote by Jesus? "Live by the carpentry, die by the carpentry." See? Good at being religious.
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: I’m not saying that you should teach children that the Easter Bunny is a psychotic pan-dimensional demon clown that harvests the souls of bad children with a bloodied rake. I’m saying that if you don’t you’re wasting an opportunity.
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about this card: psycho easter bunny | Easter? Just a conspiracy perpetrated by a cartel of chocolate manufacturers, right? I mean, we don't own it - some pointy-hatted pontiff does. Sure we can take it back .. from the clergy, the factory-owners, the companies that market diabetes drugs. You see, anyone can change the world, provided they believe. And have billions of dollars and play tennis with Rupert Murdoch.
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: At Easter it is considered traditional to receive spiritual guidance from celibate men in frocks who like to be lenient about men who sleep with children.
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about this card: frocked up | I hope it's not too soon to post this. I like Easter because it is all a relatively safe topic and I generally run much less risk of accidentally saying something controversial. Happy Thursday everyone!
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: Some Romans killed a nice man and then people began to worship him as a God. Then people said 'He DIED for you!? except it turns out you can't kill a God that easily and three days later he was back on his feet anyway.
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Easter Greetings Ecard with text: Sorry I'm not in the mood for Easter this year. Here is a drawing of a Basilosaurus instead.
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Easter Greetings Ecard with text: When we are eating our Easter Eggs this year we should remember to give thanks to Judas for making the holiday possible.
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about this card: unthanked benefactor | This week's Re-hash Wednesday card is, predictably, an Easter card. And for the record: You Probably Shouldn't Send It to Anyone. You see what I did there? I urged you to live responsibly. Good. My work here is done.
Easter Greetings Ecard with text: If I ever survived a crucifixion, the last thing I'd want to think about or see again is a crucifix. But I'm sure Jesus doesn't think the whole Easter festival is tactless.
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Easter Greetings Ecard with text: Happy Easter from somebody who feels like the whole holiday is an elaborate prank perpetrated by chocolate vendors.
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