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Holiday Ecards

Christmas Ecard with text: Santa might give more expensive gifts to rich kids but only because he knows they'll eventually trickle down to poor kids.

trickle down christmas

The first Christmas wrongcard for 2010 is here. And you'll see that I chose to avoid controversy and just stick to the basic themes, which is how I like to operate. If you aren't feeling the Christmas spirit yet, try a Christmas-themed snack - like gingerbread. Or a leg of venison.

Christmas

Thanksgiving Ecard with text: This Thanksgiving, let's be thankful to the US government for only supplying guns to calm, rational people with moderate religious views and opinions.

calm rational people

I'm not American but I live in Boston. Thanksgiving is a lovely holiday that celebrates family life with good food and confusing games of football. I don't like the tradition of forcing foreign male guests to sleep with all the old ladies present but it's your holiday and I respect local customs even when I don't understand them.

Thanksgiving

Mother's Day Ecard with text: I dont blame you for anything, other than my inexplicable phobia of vampire geese.

blaming mother

This card is from 2010, which goes to show you how long I've been aware of the vampire geese cover-up. What? You haven't heard of it? Let me show you something. If you ever mention something that others haven't heard of, say this phrase, 'The mainstream media doesn't want you to know about _____!'. In this case, 'Vampire Geese'. Seriously, how have I not been invited onto Fox News by now?

Mother's Day

Mother's Day Ecard with text: Happy Mothers Day. And just think about how much better our relationship would be if you had just bought me a pony like I asked? I guess you'll have to be content with a crap ecard.

pony free childhood

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Mother's Day

Easter Greetings Ecard with text: Some Romans killed a nice man and then people began to worship him as a God. Then people said 'He DIED for you!? except it turns out you can't kill a God that easily and three days later he was back on his feet anyway.

easter guilt trip

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Easter Greetings

Easter Greetings Ecard with text: Sorry I'm not in the mood for Easter this year. Here is a drawing of a Basilosaurus instead.

easter mood

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Easter Greetings

St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Let's celebrate St Patricks Day with people who probably couldn't find Ireland on a map.

irish identity issues

On re-hash Wednesday I like to post an older wrongcard, and today's is one for St. Patrick's Day. A couple of my mates will be going 'ouch' right now but I have a bottle of Makers Mark on standby to send them singing into the land of forgiveness. I know, right?

St Patricks's Day

St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Happy St Patricks Day. And we will get into fewer fights this year if you know that the Easter Uprising was not about a chocolate egg shortage.

st patricks day help

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St Patricks's Day

Christmas Ecard with text: Because I am a liberal with a Secular Progressive Agenda I do not give gifts at XMAS. Instead I sponsor a terrorist or volunteer at the local abortion clinic where we kill heterosexual fetuses for free. We round off the holiday with eggnog, because it is nice.

Secular Progressive

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Christmas

Christmas Ecard with text: Christmas is a debt-inducing celebration of commodity culture wrapped inside a guilt trip, which means I won't talk to you if you don't get me a present.

symbolic emptiness

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Christmas