Ah, St Paddy's Day Cards.

A religious holiday co-opted by confused alcoholic foreigners. Even more confused? The Irish, as they watch Americans celebrate it.

Ah, St Paddy’s Day. A bunch of non-Irish-folk paint themselves green, get viciously drunk and slur about some non-existent Irish ancestors. I lived in Boston for 15 years, and I never saw a sillier sight than drunk sixth-generation Bostonians weeping with nostalgia for a country they’ve neither visited, nor can actually find on a map.

A religious holiday co-opted by confused alcoholic foreigners. But why has it been co-opted by Americans? All St Saint Patrick did was chase away snakes, not produce any oil.

drops mic, moonwalks off stage