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St Patricks's Day

Ah, St Paddy's Day Cards.. A religious holiday co-opted by confused alcoholic foreigners. Even more confused? The Irish, as they watch Americans celebrate it.

Ah, St Paddy’s Day. A bunch of non-Irish-folk paint themselves green, get viciously drunk and slur about some non-existent Irish ancestors. I lived in Boston for 15 years, and I never saw a sillier sight than drunk sixth-generation Bostonians weeping with nostalgia for a country they’ve neither visited, nor can actually find on a map.

A religious holiday co-opted by confused alcoholic foreigners. But why has it been co-opted by Americans? All St Saint Patrick did was chase away snakes, not produce any oil.

drops mic, moonwalks off stage

St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Let's celebrate St Patricks Day by dividing into two teams along arbitrary religious lines and then beating each other senseless.
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about this card: irish brawl | I'm not saying that St. Patricks Day is a conspiracy perpetrated by Irish brewing countries in league with a cartel of manufacturers of green food coloring. No wait a minute, that IS what I'm trying to say. Sorry, there's something about this holiday that gets me all muddled. It might possibly be the alcohol speaking. Look, I'm very good at research.
St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: I am only going to put on green socks and drink alcoholic beverages because it would make a dead religious fanatic from the 5th Century very happy.
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about this card: dead fanatic | Like everyone else here, I like to live according to the whims and moral sensibilities of the dead. Countless times I've paused before eating a bun and wondered what St. Gabriel would have to say about its scarcity of raisins. St. Gabriel is the patron saint of communicators (but still the Vatican communicates via smoke signals?!). St. Patrick? I think he hated snakes or something
St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: This year let's spend St Patricks Day hanging out with English people and letting them push us around.
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about this card: untraditional | 400 years ago Boston was a drop-off point for a religious sect who frowned upon the entire concept of pleasure. But nowadays Bostonians all swear they're from Ireland. I was pretty skeptical they had any Irish ancestry at all until presented with the irrefutable evidence of green socks on St. Patricks Day. Thank God. I thought they were all mad...
St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: We drink to remember St Patrick's liberation of Ireland from the Nazi-Alien occupation of 1932-1956, which you would know all about if you too watched the History Channel.
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about this card: why we drink | It makes me sad that many people don't take St Patrick's Day seriously. Some will prance about in fatuous green socks, mention some highly unlikely Irish ancestor and then consider their obligations to the thing met. Not me. I'm a messenger. From God, probably. And if I don't explain this holiday then millions will be spending Saturday drunk for no reason at all. So here we go ...
St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Every St Patricks Day I pretend to be Irish by dressing in green, getting really drunk and joining the IRA. It's always so embarrassing looking at the photos the next day.
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about this card: pretending to be irish | It's re-hash Wednesday and St Patrick's Day is nigh, meaning that fifth-generation Americans will suddenly announce they've been Irish all this time and go out to Samuel Becket readings or stay in to argue passionately about which among Joyce, Heaney and Yeats provided the world with the most literary description of the potato. See? That was one sentence. It's called brevity, Joyce.
St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: In order for me to actually enjoy St Patricks Day, I have to take all the potatoes away from you.
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about this card: enjoy stpatricks day | I'm in Boston and that means I'm obliged to get falling-down-drunk with friends on St Patrick's Day. Ireland's nationalist movement needs a good, alcoholic kick once a year, and if I have to wake up in a pool of someone else's vomit, so be it. I'll do anything for a good cause. Oh, today's card? Sorry Irish people.
St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Let's celebrate St Patricks Day with people who probably couldn't find Ireland on a map.
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about this card: irish identity issues | On re-hash Wednesday I like to post an older wrongcard, and today's is one for St. Patrick's Day. A couple of my mates will be going 'ouch' right now but I have a bottle of Makers Mark on standby to send them singing into the land of forgiveness. I know, right?
St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Happy St Patricks Day. And we will get into fewer fights this year if you know that the Easter Uprising was not about a chocolate egg shortage.
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St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Lets celebrate St Patrick's Day by developing a grudge and then nurturing it for a few centuries
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