Ah, St. Patrick's Day. A bunch of non-Irish-folk paint themselves green, get viciously drunk and swear that they've got an Irish grandmother somewhere. This isn't the first religious holiday to be co-opted by nationalists, alcoholics or both, and it won't be the last. What can you do about it, except get drunk?
And when initiating this green-tinged frenzy of drunken hooliganism, the best thing to do is to send out wrongcards. Just so you all show up at the right faux Irish Pub. See that guy propping up the bar over there singing quietly to himself? Don't worry, that's just me.